Tag Archives: The Babylon Bee

Nazi or Antifa? How to tell them apart

Continue reading

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

U.N. Issues Climate Change Warning

From the Babylon Bee:
UN Warns Climate Change Will Destroy Earth By 2005

“We’ve run all the numbers, and it’s absolutely clear: every inch of dry land on the planet will be totally submerged by the year 2005,” said one member of the panel. “This is an absolute scientific fact.” Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

Another Chuckle from The Babylon Bee

‘Kavanaugh Doesn’t Have The Right Temperament!’ Screams Protester Lobbing Grenade Outside Supreme Court

“He clearly doesn’t have the ability to remain calm and rational rather than allowing his emotions to govern his decisions!” she screamed, chucking the explosive device as other protesters and counter-protesters dived out of the way. “IRRATIONAL PEOPLE DON’T BELONG ON THE SUPREME COURT!”

“We just can’t let a guy who’s that emotional get so much power,” she said. “That’s why all men literally need to DIE!”

1 Comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

Senate to Be Replaced with Poo Flingers

From the Babylon Bee.
Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an emergency overnight referendum, the American people voted on Thursday to replace the United States Senate with a room full of monkeys throwing feces. The measure passed with 57% of the vote. 22% of voters thought the Senate should be replaced by barking seals, while 17% voted that the replacement should be the pit of venomous snakes from Indiana Jones.

Leave a comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

God Checks Twitter, Immediately Bumps Up Date for Apocalypse

From The Babylon Bee.

HEAVEN—The Lord of all creation has reportedly bumped up the scheduled date for the consummation of all things after briefly checking Twitter Monday morning and verifying that things are much worse off than they were a year, a month, or even a week ago.

The timeframe to kick off the end times has been set in stone from eternity past, but the Almighty agreed to push it forward “just a little bit” after staring into the abyss of Twitter this morning.

“It was immediately apparent that things needed to be pushed up,” said one heavenly representative. “Both sides of every single ongoing discussion on Twitter were just flaming, trolling, and talking past one another. It was a total cesspool.” Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

Pumpkin Spice Deposits Discovered

From the Babylon Bee.

Vast Swathes Of Pumpkin Spice Deposits Discovered Beneath Seattle

SEATTLE, WA—Miners working for Starbucks have confirmed an exciting discovery: vast swathes of pumpkin spice buried deep beneath the earth, just under the coffee company’s Seattle headquarters.

The valuable spice is thought to be deposited by giant, killer earthworms known to roam the rocks and dirt throughout the Pacific Northwest. The rare, mesmerizing substance reportedly glows an orangeish hue, and has been described by some as potentially addicting.

3 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

For Thee, Not Me

From the Babylon Bee.
Socialist Leaders Clarify: ‘We Only Want Socialism For Everyone Else’

“I’m doing pretty well for myself and don’t need socialism,” Bernie Sanders, who is a member of the one percent and owns multiple houses, explained. “Other people aren’t doing so well, and we should redistribute their wealth amongst each other, but I’m fine as I am.”
Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

Cage Questions Kavanaugh

From the Babylon Bee.

Nicolas Cage Grills Kavanaugh On Whether Any Secret Maps Are Hidden On Constitution

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The confirmation hearing for Judge Brett Kavanaugh heated up as actor Nicolas Cage began an intense line of questioning Friday: “You say you’ve studied the Constitution,” Cage said to the nominee, “so have you seen anything on it that might resemble a map, maybe pointing to the location of a hidden treasure trove?”

Comments Off on Cage Questions Kavanaugh

Filed under Funny Stuff

More From The Bee

‘At Least I Didn’t Die From Tax Cuts,’ Whispers Man Dying From Kavanaugh Nomination

The man was out for a morning stroll when he suddenly collapsed to the ground. “Ugh, Kavanaugh!” he cried, knowing the Republican plan to slaughter countless numbers of people across the country had finally caught up to him. “Goodbye, cruel world. I’m just glad I survived Hillary’s defeat, the tax cuts, Trump’s tweets, and a strict immigration policy.” Continue reading

Comments Off on More From The Bee

Filed under Funny Stuff

Racist Hand Signals Explained

From the Babylon Bee.

The Bee Explains: Common Racist Hand Signals

THESE ARE HILARIOUS!

If there’s one thing you’ve noticed about white nationalists, it’s that they have hands. And something they’ve been doing a lot with their hands lately is sending out secret messages in support of white supremacy. If you see anyone doing any of these hand gestures, you can be certain they are a racist and should report them to the nearest racism reporting facility.

1 Comment

Filed under Funny Stuff