In Praise of Mothers

Mothers Day…traditionally the single busiest day in the restaurant business. The special day everyone honors the woman who gave them life. Unless you’re a classless slug you treat her special every day. She’s the one who nursed you when you came into this world. The breastfeeding should really stop before you’re 12. She cleans your bottom and dries your tears when you hurt. She leaves the spanking to dad when she wants you to really hurt. My kids used to steal money off my dresser and dig between the couch cushions for change and put their ill-gotten booty in a jar. On Mother’s Day they’d bring the jar to me and want folding money so they could buy mama a present…with my cash. Father’s Day? Meh…who cares. All he did was sacrifice his health to provide for you. At least, back when there WERE fathers and not (oh, this phrase is so obscene I don’t ever use it) baby daddy. That’s when two sets of hormones meet in a bar, two hours later they’re having sex. The guy puts a notch in his bedpost and moves on to his next conquest. The woman has the baby and gets welfare because the sperm donor is long gone. She didn’t even catch his name or the other men she bore kids by.

So I thought I’d post a few images pertinent to women and the daily struggles they face.
We love you all.

It’s a lot of pictures, I know. But you’re worth it.

A MOTHER’S DAY SMILE

May all the mothers here have a blessed day. Rather than come up with something schmaltzy, I thought I’d post some cartoons from everybody’s favorite deranged aunty, who reminds me a lot of my late granny, with her sense of humor and her in-your-face attitude.

GRANNY ACTUALLY SAID THIS…MANY TIMES

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

T MINUS 48 HOURS TILL MOTHER’S DAY

It’s common knowledge that Mother’s Day is the busiest day in the restaurant business. It’s the day dad and the kids take mom out so she gets a day without cooking or doing dishes. DW gets flowers, cards, phone calls, all in appreciation of the sacrifices she makes. It’s a lifelong commitment. It was a labor of love. Now all our daughters have children of their own who are exceptionally well-behaved (according to the kids; the parents have a very different view). I remember my kids would grab my change when I threw it in the dresser and put it in a jar. Then just before Mother’s Day they’d bring me the jar of change and want folding money so they can buy mom a present. So they sucked up to mom, with money they lifted off me. I didn’t care, they were my kids.

Then, when Father’s Day came along, they’d ask me for a couple bucks to buy me a pack of cigarettes. Then they weren’t even my brand. And they smoked half of them on the way home. Here ya go, dad. Call us when the burgers are ready. Then I’d go sit in the garage and sulk until Monday (kidding….we didn’t have a garage!).

We’re having supper tonight with D#1,along with RJ Pistol and his suddenly grown-up sister. The little town they live in has a really good pizza/Italian restaurant. I can’t wait.

GRANDDAUGHTER TAKING SELFIES WITH MOM’S PHONE

SHE ALSO PLAYS FAST-PITCH SOFTBALL…AND SHE’S GOOD

RJ IS TRULY AMBIDEXTROUS…HE BATS,THROWS LEFT,WRITES AND EATS RIGHT-HANDED

I BEG YOUR FOREBEARANCE. IT’S JUST HARD TO ACCEPT YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOW MOTHERS OF YOUNG ADULTS THEMSELVES.

Lil Buzz’s Mother’s Day Seeds

July 13, 2013: Mama Buzz took this lovely photo in the lowering Alaska sun. It makes a nice addition to the garden, no?

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

I would wish a sincere Happy Mother’s Day if anyone came here. But they do not so I’ll just make it a remembrance of my long-dead mom and granny and celebrate DW as she truly is a treasure.

 

Happy Mother’s Day

Why Birth Order Matters

PREGNANCY

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as you have a positive pregnancy test.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as you can squeeze into them.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH

1st baby: You practice your breathing exercises religiously.

2nd baby: You don’t bother, because you found out last time that the breathing exercises didn’t help.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

BABY’S WARDROBE

1st baby: You pre-wash all your baby clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold and store them neatly.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the worst stains.

3rd baby: A few boxes of disposable diapers and half a dozen hand-me-down t-shirts will do the trick.

AT HOME

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby in rapt wonder.

2nd baby: You spend a good bit of every day checking to see that your firstborn isn’t poking, hitting, strangling, or suffocating the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

HANDLING A FUSSY BABY

1st baby: You pick the baby up the second he whimpers.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when his wails threaten to wake his older sibling.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to wind up the mechanical swing.

PACIFIER

1st baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you don’t give it back until you’ve sterilized it under boiling water.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you don’t give it back until you’ve run it under the faucet.

3rd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you pick it up, wipe it on your shirt sleeve, and pop it back in.

DIAPERS

1st baby: You change your baby’s diaper every hour whether he needs it or not.

2nd baby: You change your baby’s diaper every three or four hours, maybe.

3rd baby: You change your baby’s diaper when you see it sagging to down to his knees.

ACTIVITIES

1st baby: You take your baby to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swimming Classes, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your baby to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your baby to the grocery store, the drug store, and the dry cleaner.

BABYSITTERS

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home every half hour to make sure everything is all right.

2nd baby: When you have a sitter, you leave a number where you can be reached in an emergency.

3rd baby: You tell the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

FOREIGN OBJECTS

1st child: When your child swallows a coin, you rush him to the emergency room and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When your child swallows a coin, you wait and watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When your child swallows a coin, you say, “That’s coming out of your allowance.”

Mother’s Day Path – May 8, 2011

By Chrissy the Hyphenated

Hey, Pete … thanks for giving me a good excuse to post a pic of the GORgeous bouquet I got today from my kids! :o))))))