Category Archives: Funny Stuff

Nazi or Antifa? How to tell them apart

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U.N. Issues Climate Change Warning

From the Babylon Bee:
UN Warns Climate Change Will Destroy Earth By 2005

“We’ve run all the numbers, and it’s absolutely clear: every inch of dry land on the planet will be totally submerged by the year 2005,” said one member of the panel. “This is an absolute scientific fact.” Continue reading

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Another Chuckle from The Babylon Bee

‘Kavanaugh Doesn’t Have The Right Temperament!’ Screams Protester Lobbing Grenade Outside Supreme Court

“He clearly doesn’t have the ability to remain calm and rational rather than allowing his emotions to govern his decisions!” she screamed, chucking the explosive device as other protesters and counter-protesters dived out of the way. “IRRATIONAL PEOPLE DON’T BELONG ON THE SUPREME COURT!”

“We just can’t let a guy who’s that emotional get so much power,” she said. “That’s why all men literally need to DIE!”

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Senate to Be Replaced with Poo Flingers

From the Babylon Bee.
Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an emergency overnight referendum, the American people voted on Thursday to replace the United States Senate with a room full of monkeys throwing feces. The measure passed with 57% of the vote. 22% of voters thought the Senate should be replaced by barking seals, while 17% voted that the replacement should be the pit of venomous snakes from Indiana Jones.

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God Checks Twitter, Immediately Bumps Up Date for Apocalypse

From The Babylon Bee.

HEAVEN—The Lord of all creation has reportedly bumped up the scheduled date for the consummation of all things after briefly checking Twitter Monday morning and verifying that things are much worse off than they were a year, a month, or even a week ago.

The timeframe to kick off the end times has been set in stone from eternity past, but the Almighty agreed to push it forward “just a little bit” after staring into the abyss of Twitter this morning.

“It was immediately apparent that things needed to be pushed up,” said one heavenly representative. “Both sides of every single ongoing discussion on Twitter were just flaming, trolling, and talking past one another. It was a total cesspool.” Continue reading

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Hillary Stories: A Bad Lip Reading

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Today’s Political Humor

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Pumpkin Spice Deposits Discovered

From the Babylon Bee.

Vast Swathes Of Pumpkin Spice Deposits Discovered Beneath Seattle

SEATTLE, WA—Miners working for Starbucks have confirmed an exciting discovery: vast swathes of pumpkin spice buried deep beneath the earth, just under the coffee company’s Seattle headquarters.

The valuable spice is thought to be deposited by giant, killer earthworms known to roam the rocks and dirt throughout the Pacific Northwest. The rare, mesmerizing substance reportedly glows an orangeish hue, and has been described by some as potentially addicting.

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LOL!

Dry Bar Comedy: When you’re from the woods and don’t know about bay areas.

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For Thee, Not Me

From the Babylon Bee.
Socialist Leaders Clarify: ‘We Only Want Socialism For Everyone Else’

“I’m doing pretty well for myself and don’t need socialism,” Bernie Sanders, who is a member of the one percent and owns multiple houses, explained. “Other people aren’t doing so well, and we should redistribute their wealth amongst each other, but I’m fine as I am.”
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