I seriously need a life.
The frightening thing is that I have many more.
Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:
From The Babylon Bee.
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Responding to consumer demand, Ivy League bellwether Harvard University announced Monday its new four-year Bachelor’s degree in Feeling Oppressed.
“For those lucky enough to be able to afford the quarter-million-dollar cost of attending our prestigious school, we are offering a comprehensive program that will prepare you for a lifetime of convincing yourself that you are a perpetual victim and nothing that happens in your life is your own fault,” Harvard president Drew Faust announced in an afternoon press conference.
“It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from, what your background is, whether or not you’re by far the most privileged people in the history of our planet—you should feel oppressed, and we will prove it to you.”
Pressed by a reporter about the feasibility of finding a successful career and contributing to society after attaining a degree in Feeling Oppressed, Faust suggested that this would be the generation to implement universal income, rendering productive careers obsolete and freeing citizens to “fight oppression even more.”
Asked by another reporter, “Doesn’t Harvard already pretty much include unofficial training in feeling oppressed in each one of your degrees?” Faust called the question “offensive” and abruptly wrapped up the press conference.
Big night tonight. My grandchildren’s high school basketball team is in the class 2A Illinois championship game. THEY CAN BE STATE CHAMPS! They are an awesome team this year and I loved going to the games.
He’s only a freshman,but he’ll get there.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Checking the most reliable source in the universe, more accurate than the atomic clock and Greenwich Mean Time…. my wife’s Betty Boop calendar…. we set the clocks ahead tonight. Getting light earlier and dark later. More time for evening on the porch. Nothing wrong with that.
From The Babylon Bee.
ATLANTA, GA—In order to aid the news station in preparing stories for consumption, popular news media organization CNN purchased an industrial-sized washing machine to help its journalists and news anchors spin the news before publication.
The custom-made device allows CNN reporters to load just the facts of a given issue, turn a dial to “spin cycle,” and within five minutes, receive a nearly unrecognizable version of the story that’s been spun to fit with the news station’s agenda.
One reporter was seen inserting the facts of a recent news story early Thursday morning.
“Okay, so we just slip in the location, the people involved, the facts of the story, and there we go,” he muttered as he fiddled with the buttons and dials on the machine. “Spin for five minutes on high, and we’ll have ourselves a news story.”
Minutes later, he removed the story and found it had turned into a perfect piece to push universal health care, common-sense gun control, and the removal of President Trump from office.
“Perfect!” he said, taking the story straight to his computer in order to upload it to CNN’s website.
At publishing time, CNN had also purchased an industrial-sized trash compactor in order to help compress and distort facts to fit into its preconceived narrative.
More stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee: