Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:
Category Archives: Funny Stuff
Hat tip: Bob
SATIRE: In a troubling turn of events for the Trump legal team, US Representative Adam Schiff is making a strong case for impeachment with super secret evidence that he says he “hasn’t even made up yet.”
Schiff led the impeachment fight in the House of Representatives with witnesses that didn’t witness anything and other secret evidence that wasn’t presented. Now, he says that he has evidence so damning that he can’t even think of what it could be.
“During this trial,” Schiff said in a press conference, “we will begin to see that there is absolutely no reason for President Trump to be in office still. I mean the evidence that I haven’t made up yet is so bad, it makes me shudder to think about it. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to present it in the Senate it’s so bad.”
Harvard Professor Emeritus Alan Dershowitz, who will argue the unconstitutionality of the charges before the U.S. Senate impeachment trial, said that Schiff needs to release the evidence that he hasn’t made up yet.
“He needs to get on with it. You can’t just leave everyone hanging. If you’re going to make up evidence, let’s get it done,” Dershowitz said.
[SATIRE] In his opening statement at Trump’s impeachment trial, Rep. Adam Schiff reminded the Senate of their solemn duty and the gravity of just what it is they will be discussing at the trial.
Schiff warned that if Trump is not impeached, the American people may have a chance to tamper with the next election.
“If President Trump is not impeached, the American people might get a say in who is president,” Schiff said gravely. “We simply can’t allow that to happen. We must diligently defend our electoral process against electoral outcomes we do not like. If that means seizing power through a sham impeachment trial, so be it.”
“When the Founders wrote that founding document thing, they never imagined there would be electoral outcomes that Democrats did not agree with.”
Democrats also said they even have hard evidence that the 2016 election was compromised by Republicans voting for Trump.
“We know this horrible outcome could happen, because it’s already happened once before.”
CNN has slammed the world’s best satire site, The Babylon Bee, after CNN executives realized that “fake news” articles on the website were getting at least as much social media traction as their own.
“There ain’t room in this internet for the both of us,” growled one CNN anchor on the air Monday evening. “There simply aren’t enough people out there for us to fool with our fake news stories and The Babylon Bee to fool with their satire. There isn’t enough clickbait and outrage traffic to go around.”
Reporters at the media outlet also pointed out that their news was “much faker” than The Babylon Bee’s.
“They’re obviously amateurs over there at The Bee,” said Brian Stelter. “A lot of times, their reporting comes true. If you’re gonna do fake news, do it right — 100% fake, guaranteed, 24/7. They really should learn from the pros over here at CNN.”
“Stay out of our territory,” he growled.
From The Babylon Bee.
U.S.—The nation’s media outlets announced they were grieving today as an armed citizen stopped a mass shooting.
“We grieve that this tragedy we could have exploited for weeks on end was stopped by a good guy with a gun,” said one teary-eyed MSNBC reporter on the scene. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the shooter.”
“We are absolutely heartbroken and in shock over here,” said one New York Times journalist. “What could have given us weeks and weeks of frothing-at-the-mouth stories about gun control will now have to be suppressed since it does not align with our agenda.”
News outlets also reminded the nation that they reserve the right to immediately bury mass shooting stories that don’t help push their agenda. Continue reading
From The Duffel Blog.
WASHINGTON – The House Intelligence Committee called upon Col. Mustard to testify last Tuesday in the hearings related to President Donald Trump’s impeachment. Mustard, a career Army officer and combat veteran of both the Boer War and the Sudan Campaign, sat in on the now-famous July phone call between President Trump and Ukrainian President, Volodymyr Zelensky.
“I intercepted the rapscallion’s communique with the chief minister of the former Cossack Hetmanate,” the great white hunter declared, “And by Jove, a saucy kerfuffle transpired.”
Mustard, garbed smartly in khaki officer’s dress and riding pantaloons, boldly narrated the already-released transcripts of the exchange recorded on a giant scroll unfurled by his loyal footman, Willingford. Though he added no new information to the proceedings, the Victorian vigilante did create a spectacle worthy of the Shakespearian drama that has consumed the electoral process. Continue reading
From The Babylon Bee.
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Times have changed in Hollywood since the early days, and no one is learning that lesson harder than industry veteran Donald Duck. Multiple sources have accused him of walking onto movie sets throughout his career without wearing any pants.
Multiple images and videos have emerged supporting these accusations.
“He used to just wander in, yell unintelligibly and get mad at everyone, and then storm off,” said one crew member who worked with Duck in “Donald’s Dilemma.” “And yeah, the whole time he’d be naked from the waist down. I mean, granted, it was a different time, but yeah, looking back, it was really inappropriate.”