Category Archives: Funny Stuff

Mother Seeks Emergency Surgery to Remove VBS Songs Lodged in Her Brain

From The Babylon Bee.

ST ALBANS, WV—Local mom Stephanie Orchard was a happy mother of three.

That is, until she took her kids to Riverside Lutheran Church’s vacation Bible school this year.

Now, she has nearly a dozen incredibly catchy, extremely repetitive VBS songs permanently lodged in her brain. Medical experts believe the songs became stuck as her kids sang the songs over and over and she was forced to listen to the CD the church handed out. Finally, she attended the VBS’s exciting finale performance, where all the songs were sung by the kids along with the hand motions, and she was “a goner” after that.

Continue reading

4 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

NBA to Assign ‘Adversity Score’ to Pudgy White Guys Who Want to Play Professional Basketball

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—The NBA announced Friday that for the upcoming basketball season, the league will be assigning an “adversity score” to overweight white dudes to help more of them get signed with professional basketball teams.

The score will take into account many environmental and biological factors, like the fact that they’re white guys who can’t jump and get winded while walking up a small flight of stairs. It will also take into account the fact that they don’t know anything about the fundamentals of the game and tend to shout things like “I’m open! Hey, I’m open!” even when they’re clearly not open. Finally, white dudes who scarf down whole bags of Cheetos daily, drink a six-pack of beer every night, and haven’t exercised in years will receive a “considerable boost” from the new weighted point system.

Continue reading

3 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

Fake Experts

DOG fake expert

I was a (female) school bus driver in New York State when the “right turn on red” law was enacted. When I stopped and stayed at a red light with my right blinker on, my cocky high school passengers (male) started shouting, “Right on red, dummie! Right on red.” I kept my foot on the brake and calmly informed them that New York’s new right on red law specifically forbade a loaded school bus from turning right on red. Derp. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

Caravan of Unborn Babies Heads Toward Alabama to Apply for Asylum

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—According to sources all across the country, a caravan of unborn babies has formed to head toward Alabama in an attempt to avoid the rest of the country’s barbaric abortion laws.

The unborn humans, mostly residing in the wombs of pro-choice mothers, learned of the new law as their moms watched CNN and listened to NPR. Each of them would then sneak out of their mom’s womb in the middle of the night, slip into a state-of-the-art artificial womb they ordered on Amazon, steal their mother’s car, and make a break for the Alabama border.

Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

Continue reading

4 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

Report: All Six Men Attracted to Feminists Deeply Affected by Sex Strike

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—According to a new report performed by the American Public Health Association, all six men who are sexually attracted to feminists are already suffering deeply from the ongoing sex strike for abortion rights.

The six men in the nation who identify as feminist-attracted include Greg, Sebastien, Shiloh, Ansel, Jade, and Ashley. All of them are from Oregon.

Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

Biden Vows to Return Nation to Era When Press Didn’t Bother Reporting on President’s Scandals

From The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaking on The View, presidential candidate Joe Biden promised to bring the nation back to an era when the media pretended the president didn’t have any scandals.

Biden pointed out that nowadays there’s a new presidential scandal every day on the news, some real, some invented.

“Back when I was in office, we had plenty of scandals, but it was much nicer, because the media just didn’t report on them,” he said. “It was a lot more pleasant to watch the news. The press just told you everything was fine in the White House.”

Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

Missed It by That Much: Hillary Clinton Almost Wins ‘Wheel of Fortune’ but Then Shouts ‘Easter Worshiper’ Instead of ‘Christian’

From The Babylon Bee.

Some people think Hillary Clinton is robotic and hard to sympathize with, but even our hearts went out to her on this one.

On a special politicians’ episode of Wheel of Fortune, failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton nearly took home the grand prize. She was on the last puzzle of the regular rounds of the game, which read, CHRISTI_N. The audience began to cheer as it appeared Clinton had finally won something.

But, as is usual for Clinton, she snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, and shouted “Easter worshiper!” instead of the obvious answer, which was “Christian.”

Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

Continue reading

7 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff