Author Archives: bluebird of bitterness

Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

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Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

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Media Disappointed to Learn Armed Citizen Stopped Mass Shooting

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—The nation’s media outlets announced they were grieving today as an armed citizen stopped a mass shooting.

“We grieve that this tragedy we could have exploited for weeks on end was stopped by a good guy with a gun,” said one teary-eyed MSNBC reporter on the scene. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the shooter.”

“We are absolutely heartbroken and in shock over here,” said one New York Times journalist. “What could have given us weeks and weeks of frothing-at-the-mouth stories about gun control will now have to be suppressed since it does not align with our agenda.”

News outlets also reminded the nation that they reserve the right to immediately bury mass shooting stories that don’t help push their agenda. Continue reading

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Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

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A blessed Christmas to all

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Impeachment bombshell: Col. Mustard testimony puts Trump in the library with candlestick

From The Duffel Blog.

WASHINGTON – The House Intelligence Committee called upon Col. Mustard to testify last Tuesday in the hearings related to President Donald Trump’s impeachment. Mustard, a career Army officer and combat veteran of both the Boer War and the Sudan Campaign, sat in on the now-famous July phone call between President Trump and Ukrainian President, Volodymyr Zelensky.

“I intercepted the rapscallion’s communique with the chief minister of the former Cossack Hetmanate,” the great white hunter declared, “And by Jove, a saucy kerfuffle transpired.”

Mustard, garbed smartly in khaki officer’s dress and riding pantaloons, boldly narrated the already-released transcripts of the exchange recorded on a giant scroll unfurled by his loyal footman, Willingford. Though he added no new information to the proceedings, the Victorian vigilante did create a spectacle worthy of the Shakespearian drama that has consumed the electoral process. Continue reading

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Happy All Saints Day

Because we could all use a little encouragement.

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Multiple Sources Accuse Donald Duck of Walking onto Movie Sets Without Any Pants

From The Babylon Bee.

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Times have changed in Hollywood since the early days, and no one is learning that lesson harder than industry veteran Donald Duck. Multiple sources have accused him of walking onto movie sets throughout his career without wearing any pants.

Multiple images and videos have emerged supporting these accusations.

“He used to just wander in, yell unintelligibly and get mad at everyone, and then storm off,” said one crew member who worked with Duck in “Donald’s Dilemma.” “And yeah, the whole time he’d be naked from the waist down. I mean, granted, it was a different time, but yeah, looking back, it was really inappropriate.”

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Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

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Survey Finds More People Would Support Impeachment If They Knew What Crime Trump Was Supposed to Have Committed

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—A new study found that support for impeaching President Trump would rise significantly if someone, anyone could just tell people what crime Trump is supposed to have committed.

Republicans and many independents are stubbornly resisting the impeachment inquiry, as though you have to have some kind of reason to impeach the president. Democrats oppose this logic, saying that impeaching a president who insists on being Trump is a constitutional duty. Many Americans are just kind of confused by the whole thing and are waiting for something more interesting to come on TV.

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