Author Archives: bluebird of bitterness

Tear-gassed protesters discover face masks don’t work

From The Genesius Times (which is giving The Babylon Bee a run for its money).

PORTLAND—Thousands of tear-gassed protesters from across the country are discovering that their face masks don’t work when they get a face full of anti-antifa spray.

Billy Buttkis of the Portland Antifa chapter thought that face masks work to keep unwanted aerosols from getting into his respiratory system. So, he wore one to the Portland Acceptable Fascism rally and got a can full of tear gas unloaded on him. He has since become a face mask skeptic.

“Science has definitely stated that face masks work (right after science definitively stated that face masks don’t work), so I though, this would be great protection for me at the rally. But then I get sprayed down like a feral dog in heat with pepper spray and tear gas. Let me tell you, face masks ain’t do sh*t,” Buttkis said.

Protests have erupted around the country after unarmed George Floyd was videotaped being killed by a police officer in Minneapolis. Masked Antifa instigators have turned several protests into riots and looting.

Despite this epiphany by tear-gassed protesters, governors and health officials have increased the calls for face masks.

“It is a terrible shame that face masks don’t protect mostly peaceful protesters from tear gas or pepper spray,” California Governor Gavin Newsom said. “But I’ll be damned if I let any new evidence change my mind about forcing people to wear a pointless mask.”

Comments Off on Tear-gassed protesters discover face masks don’t work

Filed under Funny Stuff

Musical interlude

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colours,
He made their tiny wings.

The purple headed mountain,
The river running by,
The sunset and the morning,
That brightens up the sky;

The cold wind in the winter,
The pleasant summer sun,
The ripe fruits in the garden,
He made them every one.

He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell,
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

1 Comment

Filed under Music

Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

Continue reading

3 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

Happy Passover

Students at Technion-Israel Institute of Technology come up with a new way to tell a very old story.

2 Comments

Filed under Loose Pollen

Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

Media Disappointed to Learn Armed Citizen Stopped Mass Shooting

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—The nation’s media outlets announced they were grieving today as an armed citizen stopped a mass shooting.

“We grieve that this tragedy we could have exploited for weeks on end was stopped by a good guy with a gun,” said one teary-eyed MSNBC reporter on the scene. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the shooter.”

“We are absolutely heartbroken and in shock over here,” said one New York Times journalist. “What could have given us weeks and weeks of frothing-at-the-mouth stories about gun control will now have to be suppressed since it does not align with our agenda.”

News outlets also reminded the nation that they reserve the right to immediately bury mass shooting stories that don’t help push their agenda. Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Funny Stuff

A blessed Christmas to all

2 Comments

Filed under Music