From The Babylon Bee.
U.S.—A new study found that support for impeaching President Trump would rise significantly if someone, anyone could just tell people what crime Trump is supposed to have committed.
Republicans and many independents are stubbornly resisting the impeachment inquiry, as though you have to have some kind of reason to impeach the president. Democrats oppose this logic, saying that impeaching a president who insists on being Trump is a constitutional duty. Many Americans are just kind of confused by the whole thing and are waiting for something more interesting to come on TV.
“Impeachment is polling pretty strong just goin’ on emotion and stuff,” said one pollster, “but man, if we could point to some kind of impeachable offense, the numbers would go way, way up. We’re talking very strong support once there is a crime to impeach for.”
“Man, if we could just find that Trump, like, secretly nuked Canada or something—that would be the smoking gun,” he added wistfully.
A small minority of Americans said they would support Trump even if there ends up being a clear, blatant high crime exposed, though this demographic was almost entirely made up of televangelists and Seb Gorka.
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