My latest update on the campaign trail.
TRUMP: Four and a half minutes of a recent rally in Massachusetts – I can’t even imagine what it feels like to have that many people cheering as you walk in.
TRANSPARENCY: The Left likes to complain about how mean President Trump is to the press – But in less than three years, he has stopped 80 times to answer questions from the press on his way to MH-1.
Obama did that just three times in his entire eight years.
DOUBLE STANDARDS: If the Left didn’t have double standards, they wouldn’t have any standards at all [3:01] – Remember when a rodeo clown got permanently banned from the rodeo, because he wore an Obama mask and rode around the arena on a broom?
Remember how, in 1994, another rodeo clown wearing a George H.W. Bush mask was nearly gored by a bull … and nobody cared?
DeBLASIO: [1:00] – His flight to Iowa was canceled, so he tried to appear by video. A glitch made him sound like Alvin.
INSLEE: Washington Gov. Jay Inslee has dropped out of the 2020 presidential race and plans instead to seek a third term as governor.
OMAR and TLAIB: Rep. Lee Zeldin (R-NY) – “It should come as no shock that Democratic Reps. Ilhan Omar of Minnesota and Rashida Tlaib of Michigan are unwelcome in Israel, a nation they are taking great pains to tear down. Their latest PR stunt is an attempt to victimize themselves, whitewash history and spin reality – providing even further proof of their worst of intentions.
“The two congresswomen attack Israel while remaining silent on Hamas using women and children as human shields, denying humanitarian aid to its own people, calling jihad an obligation, and launching rockets into Israel that kill innocent civilians.”
Meanwhile, Babylon Bee reports that Tlaib was bewildered by Israel’s action.
“It just doesn’t make much sense for this country that shouldn’t even exist to ban us,” she said.
MALINOWSKI: The Democrat running for a second term in New Jersey’s swing 7th District justifies open borders – For starters, his argument is crap. My husband is a licensed professional. He mows our lawn. And the service our elderly neighbors use is staffed by Americans.
But let’s just suppose he’s got a point.
How about we make “I’m employed in a job that Americans can’t or won’t do” a genuine reason for an illegal to obtain a green card?
I know somebody who taught English in Madrid for many years. Year after year, she had to prove to the Spanish government that she was still employed in this job that no native Spaniard could do as well as she could.
BABYLON BEE: HONG KONG — As soon as Bernie Sanders heard about the democratic protesters in Hong Kong, he knew something had to be done. The U.S. senator quickly chartered a flight to Hong Kong in order to throw himself into the fray.
Sanders bravely stood in the middle of the conflict between police and protesters, shouting at the “ungrateful little dissenters” that they don’t know how good they have it under a Communist regime.
“Remember, you could have it a lot worse—you could be in America!” Sanders bellowed as police officers for the totalitarian regime beat protesters in the background.
“Hey, you! You on the floor there! You’re not looking very appreciative of living in one of the greatest Communist countries on earth!” Sanders continued his long-winded rant about the need for the government to own the means of production, how great breadlines are, and how bad things are in capitalist America as protesters got dragged away by police to be disappeared.
“Just think—in America, we have to pick between 14 different types of deodorant!” he said, his fingers flopping around like limp sausages.
According to sources, Beto O’Rourke is planning on joining Sanders to inform Chinese citizens how lucky they are that they don’t live in a racist country like America.