Mother Seeks Emergency Surgery to Remove VBS Songs Lodged in Her Brain

From The Babylon Bee.

ST ALBANS, WV—Local mom Stephanie Orchard was a happy mother of three.

That is, until she took her kids to Riverside Lutheran Church’s vacation Bible school this year.

Now, she has nearly a dozen incredibly catchy, extremely repetitive VBS songs permanently lodged in her brain. Medical experts believe the songs became stuck as her kids sang the songs over and over and she was forced to listen to the CD the church handed out. Finally, she attended the VBS’s exciting finale performance, where all the songs were sung by the kids along with the hand motions, and she was “a goner” after that.

“Do you guys do lobotomies?” she asked the doctor she showed up at the ER for emergency surgery. The lines in her face, the bags around her eyes, and the desperation in her voice made it clear that she had a severe case of VBS song infection, a common but potentially annoying medical condition.

Eventually, the doctor was able to get the songs out with a prescription of heavy doses of Toto’s “Africa.” The unpleasant side effect, however, is that now she has “Africa” lodged in her brain.

Remember, if a VBS song is stuck in your head for longer than 4-6 hours, seek medical help immediately.

Other stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee: 

Ocasio-Cortez Gets Head Stuck in Bucket, Journalists Rush to Explain Why It Was Actually a Genius Move

Vox Calls for Dictionary.com to Take Down Definitions of Words They Don’t Like

Left Vows to Topple Patriarchy by Allowing Biological Males to Dominate Women’s Sports

Local Mother Successfully Pawns Her Kids Off to Different VBS Every Week of Summer

Google Deploys Squads of Firemen to Burn Offensive Books, Videos, Websites

New School Program Raises Awareness of Things Kids Didn’t Know They Were Supposed to Be Offended About

4 Comments

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4 responses to “Mother Seeks Emergency Surgery to Remove VBS Songs Lodged in Her Brain

  1. chrissythehyphenated

    “Do you guys do lobotomies?” LOL!!

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  2. chrissythehyphenated

    “Most people don’t have her scientific curiosity and intelligence,” said MSNBC pundit Chris Hayes. “Someone incurious like Trump would never look at a bucket and ask ‘Could my head fit inside that?’ But Ocasio-Cortez dives into such questions head first.”

    LOLOL ::snort::

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  3. chrissythehyphenated

    “Google Deploys Squads of Firemen to Burn Offensive Books, Videos, Websites”

    I’m pretty sure I read that book in high school. Fahrenheit 451?

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  4. chrissythehyphenated

    “Declaring that “the future is female” and that they would “no longer bow to toxic male faux-dominance,” Americans on the left of the political spectrum solemnly vowed Saturday to topple the Patriarchy once and for all by allowing biological males to dominate all women’s sports.”

    If only this were just satire …

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