Joe Biden Appointed as Head of TSA

From The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid a flurry of accusations of inappropriate touching and crowding people’s personal space leveled at former vice president Joe Biden, President Trump announced Friday that Biden is his appointment to the Transporation Security Administration.

Biden will be tasked with showing TSA agents how to violate people’s personal space and privacy in their daily groping of American citizens. He already has “dozens” of charts and infographics he began to hand out to TSA workers all across the country, creeping up on them and gingerly setting the files in their hands as he whispered his instructions in their ears.

“Based on Biden’s skill getting inappropriately close to people and making unwanted physical advances, he is the perfect man for the job,” Trump said. “We’ve had our differences in the past, but I’m glad Creepy Joe and I can work together on this one.”

“He’s a very good toucher, one of the best.”

Trump reportedly considered himself for the position before choosing Biden, calling himself an “expert groper,” but he was informed he can’t be both president of the United States and the TSA Administrator. 

Other stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee: 

Venezuela Praised for Achieving World’s First Zero-Hour Work Week

Monkey With Typewriter Produces Reasonable Alternative to Green New Deal

Frustrated Ocasio-Cortez Informs Calculator She’s In Charge Now

CNN Blames Ratings Slump on Lack of News They Want to Report

Thousands of Newborn Babies Recalled for Defective Sleep Module

Garnier Fructis Introduces the Biden Collection

King Solomon Accused of Inappropriate Behavior by 1,000 of His Wives

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Economics Degree Recalled

2 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

2 responses to “Joe Biden Appointed as Head of TSA

  1. chrissythehyphenated

    “I’m glad Creepy Joe and I can work together on this one.” LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  2. chrissythehyphenated

    Another goodie: “Both CNN and MSNBC saw a ratings dive this week after the Mueller report determined there was no collusion between President Donald Trump and Russia in the 2016 election, while Fox News appears to have done very well in the wake of the news.

    “CNN has waved away the drop in ratings, claiming it is just because there’s not that much news this week that they would like to report on.”

    Liked by 1 person