Southern Baptist Pastor Resigns in Disgrace After Admitting He Does Not Like Casseroles

From The Babylon Bee.

WEST HATTIESBURG, MS—Local Southern Baptist pastor Pete Harrison resigned in disgrace earlier this week after admitting that he doesn’t like eating casseroles.

The scandal unfolded after a church congregant unearthed comments made by Harrison in a recorded sermon over 10 years ago, in which Harrison said he preferred “something healthy like a nice garden salad” to “fatty, unhealthy casseroles.”

Dozens of angered church members stormed Harrison’s home with pitchforks and torches hastily assembled out of the church’s unused front pew, demanding answers. The pastor emerged, frightened and sheepish, and made a statement.

“I apologize to all those I’ve hurt,” he mumbled as several elderly church ladies began fashioning a Molotov cocktail to throw through his window. “It’s clear to me now that I’m unfit for ministry. Please accept my resignation, and for the love of all that is holy, don’t hurt me!”

The church members reportedly backed down after Pastor Pete began handing out coupons for 15% off a Golden Corral lunch or dinner to quell the uprising.

Harrison is weighing his options but will likely end up back in ministry at a salad-friendly denomination such as the PCUSA or the Unitarian Universalists.

Other stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee:

Elizabeth Warren Leaves Brutal 1-Star Review for ancestry.com

Exasperated Olive Garden Waitress Asks Bernie Sanders If He’s Just Gonna Sit There Eating Free Breadsticks All Night

California Man Sentenced to 20 Years for Possession of Crazy Straw

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2 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff

2 responses to “Southern Baptist Pastor Resigns in Disgrace After Admitting He Does Not Like Casseroles

  1. I think we just have to set some kind of statute of limitations on these sort of attacks upon people for careless remarks or acts in their wayward youthnesses.

    Quick! Before they find my closet built out of skeletons.

    I certainly wouldn’t want anything I said or did twenty years ago to be used against me. Or ten years. Or last week. Or my last comment…

    😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. chrissythehyphenated

    “pitchforks and torches hastily assembled out of the church’s unused front pew,” LOLOL!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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