Daily Archives: February 18, 2018

Just Some Things

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Filed under Funny Stuff

Universal to Donate All Proceeds from New ‘Fifty Shades’ Movie to #MeToo Movement

From The Babylon Bee.

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA—In a selfless move designed to help victims of sexual harassment and abuse, Universal Pictures announced Tuesday it would be donating all proceeds from the new Fifty Shades Freed movie—the final chapter in the blockbuster trilogy featuring a creepily aggressive, controlling male lead and raunchy sex and bondage scenes—to foundations that support the #MeToo movement.


According to the company, all profits from ticket and movie sales of the film focused on an unhealthy, abusive relationship will go toward ensuring women aren’t objectified, harassed, or otherwise victimized by men who use their wealth and status as leverage.

“Every time you purchase a ticket to watch Anastasia Steele and creepily obsessive BDSM fanatic Christian Grey in gratuitous sex scenes, you can rest secure in the knowledge that you’re helping prevent predatory objectification and harassment of women,” a Universal rep said in a press conference. “You’re doing your part.”

Universal also claimed it would be selling the Fifty Shades trilogy on Blu-ray in a special “#MeToo Edition.” The set will include a bonus documentary on the #MeToo movement and let viewers know how they can help victimized women, right after they finish watching hours of a fictional abusive romance at home.

At publishing time, on the heels of the announcement, selfless feminists had flocked to the erotic film in droves for the sole purpose of helping victimized women, as worldwide box office revenue approached $140 million for the final installment of the billion-dollar-plus franchise.

More stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee:

Woman to Shelve Belief That Gender Is Social Construct for Few Minutes While Boyfriend Changes Flat Tire on Side of Road

Family Exiting Church Unable to Find Minivan in Sea of Identical Minivans

Duggar Family to Kick Out One Kid Each Week in Cutthroat Reality Show

Sports Illustrated Takes Stand Against Sexual Harassment by Putting Naked Women on Cover

Local Man Takes Advantage of 3-Hour DMV Wait to Pen Blog Post Arguing for Government-Run Healthcare

Family Prays at McDonald’s, Food Miraculously Transforms Into Chick-Fil-A

Kirk Cameron Pleads for God to Spare Hollywood: ‘If You Find 10 Righteous, Will You Spare the City?’


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Filed under Funny Stuff