Daily Archives: October 7, 2017

Jimmy Kimmel Produces Official Document Confirming He Is Nation’s Moral Authority

From The Babylon Bee.

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Kicking off a rousing and emotional monologue on his Jimmy Kimmel Live! late-night talk show Tuesday during which he laid out yet another case for the common-sense nature of his views on policy and the evil barbarism of those who hold different views, host Jimmy Kimmel reached into his desk and produced a document officially declaring himself America’s greatest moral authority.


“I know some people have questioned my impassioned political speeches, so let me just show you this,” Kimmel said before presenting the document for all the world to see. “I guess I assumed it was obvious due to the tone of my lectures and the obvious emotion behind them, but just in case anyone is unclear—I am, in fact, this nation’s highest moral authority.”

The paper, which contained the words “Official Document” in bold at the top, appeared to have read “This document officially certifies James Christian Kimmel as The United States of America’s highest moral authority; furthermore, as the sole arbiter of truth within the land.”

“Go ahead and zoom in on it,” the host said as he held the paper still for a moment. “Take a good look. And check out those asterisks at the top—this is the real deal. I sincerely hope none of you will question my authority again.”

“So whether I’m holding court about nationalized health care, women’s rights, or gun control: I am right, and only right, all the time. And if you disagree with me, you are wrong and you passionately want people to die,” he added.

At publishing time, the document’s origins are unknown, with most experts hypothesizing that Kimmel himself printed it out in his office before the show.

More from The Babylon Bee:

Youths Make Joke About Tim Keller’s Baldness, Immediately Mauled by Bears

Feelings Now Acceptable As Answers to Math Problems

Bill Nye to Dress Up As Real Scientist for Halloween

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Filed under Funny Stuff

In the Company of Sleazebags

There has always been a blatant double standard that people of opposing political parties are held to. The Republicans, forever referred to as “the religious right,” are held to a far higher moral and ethical standard than is the liberal left. When a Republican falls short, he is accused of hypocrisy and the entire party is then accused of harboring such miscreants.

The left has it much easier. They control the major media, so things like Robert Menedez’ corruption trial and Wasserman-Schultz’s IT guy leaking information through unsecured servers are totally ignored. Their minions cater to the simple-minded, willfully ignorant masses who only see headlines and lack interest in finding facts on their own. They just take the presstitutes’ word as gospel.

Now comes media mogul, big Democrat donor, and completely morally reprehensible scum, Harvey Weinstein.

Decades of Sexual Harassment Accusations Against Harvey Weinstein

An investigation by The New York Times found previously undisclosed allegations against Mr. Weinstein stretching over nearly three decades, documented through interviews with current and former employees and film industry workers, as well as legal records, emails and internal documents from the businesses he has run, Miramax and the Weinstein Company.



Late-Night Hosts Ignore Harvey Weinstein Sexual Harassment Scandal

The silence is deafening, considering these left-wing comics have often made same-day monologues critical of President Donald Trump and were among the first to scorch former Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly and former Fox News chief Roger Ailes for alleged sexual harassment.


Harvey Weinstein’s Money Shouldn’t Buy Democrats’ Silence

Mr. Weinstein has given more than $1.4 million to candidates, parties and political action committees since 1990, Variety reported, citing figures from the Center for Responsive Politics. Among his biggest beneficiaries are President Barack Obama, whose daughter was an intern with Mr. Weinstein’s company this year. At a career workshop for high schoolers at the White House, where Mr. Weinstein was a guest several times, Michelle Obama called him “a wonderful human being, a good friend and just a powerhouse.”

Harvey Weinstein plans to sue New York Times for $50M

Weinstein has hired Charles J. Harder — the LA attorney who brought down Gawker after winning a $140 million verdict for Hulk Hogan after the site posted a sex tape — to go after the Times, which posted its blistering exposé on the Oscar-winning Hollywood mogul Thursday.




Filed under Democrats, Harvey Weinstein, Media Bias