Progressive Criticizes Jesus for Not Being Very Christlike

From The Babylon Bee.

SEATTLE, WA—After reading several chapters from the gospels over the weekend, local progressive believer Wendy Butler reportedly published a Patheos blog post in which she criticized Jesus of Nazareth for “not being very Christlike.”

The blog post took Jesus to task for His “unloving and problematic” teachings.

“He devotes entire sections of His sermons to ranting about archaic religious concepts like hell and the last judgment instead of just coming alongside the marginalized and affirming their sins,” Butler said. “Very little of what He did on earth I would describe as life-giving. Frankly, I do a better job of being Christlike than Christ Himself.”

The woman was also agitated to find that Jesus didn’t devote any of His time recorded in the Scriptures to advocating for government-subsidized healthcare or women’s abortion rights.

“He had a few good things to say about loving our neighbors, but the bad outweighs the good in Jesus’ teachings, if we’re looking at things honestly here,” her essay continued. “He really needed to ask Himself, ‘What would Jesus do?’ more often, and then He’d have devoted a lot more of His time to social justice, like me.”

At publishing time, a horrified Butler had discovered the description of the Redeemer coming in His wrath in Revelation 19.

More from The Babylon Bee:

Joel Osteen Launches Line of Pastoral Wear: ‘Sheep’s Clothing’

Back Pew Voted Best Spot in Church Fifty-Eighth Year Running

Food Consumed at Church Functions Does Not Count Toward Daily Caloric Intake, Nutritionists Confirm

Archaeologists Discover King David’s Collection of Essential Oils

Planned Parenthood Sentenced to 8 Million Consecutive Life Sentences


Filed under Funny Stuff

3 responses to “Progressive Criticizes Jesus for Not Being Very Christlike

  1. chrissythehyphenated

    “He really needed to ask Himself, ‘What would Jesus do?’ more often, and then He’d have devoted a lot more of His time to social justice, like me.” ROFLLLL

    This piece is timely for me. I’ve been reading the curses and plagues section of Deuteronomy and thinking about Richard Dawkins’ criticism of the God of the Bible being a horrible tyrant. It occurred to me that him deciding God doesn’t exist because of Deuteronomy makes about as much sense as deciding your doctor doesn’t exist because he tells you in agonizing detail just what you will suffer if you don’t stop smoking, drinking, whoring, and boozing your life away.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. chrissythehyphenated

    Recommend the other articles. Just read this one and immediately texted it to my girls. ROFLL

    Liked by 1 person

  3. chrissythehyphenated

    “We expect the new Krazy Pineapple Kale pizza to be especially nefarious,” one high-ranking demonic official said in a board meeting unveiling the new assault on all things good and holy.


    Liked by 1 person