How to be a mainstream journalist

By Andrew Klavan.

It’s graduation time and many of you young people just getting out of college are probably thinking, “Hey, the Obama presidency can’t last forever, maybe one day I’ll be able to get a good job.” But then it probably occurs to you, “Oh no, I’ve just spent four years studying utterly useless left wing tripe that has absolutely nothing to do with reality, not to mention the fact that I’ve continually cheated by buying my essays and test answers on line, plus weekends of blackout drinking have caused me to commit acts that have reduced me to a genuinely reprehensible person. Who would want to hire me now?”

Well, good news. After four years of nonsensical leftism, dishonesty and poor behavior, you’ve acquired just the sort of qualifications you need to become a mainstream media journalist. That’s right, you could soon be standing in front of a studio green screen with a picture of an exotic place chroma keyed onto it, experiencing all the thrill of lying about people and misrepresenting events.

But wait. Before you can enter the exciting world of mainstream journalism, there are a few things you need to know.

A Mainstream media journalist needs to be able to tell the difference between an example and an exception. An example is something that almost never happens, but is very important because it exemplifies an idea you want people to believe. A Christian who murders people in the name of his religion is an example because, while very nearly unique, he exemplifies the evils of Christianity. A Muslim who murders people in the name of his religion is an exception. An exception is something that occurs all the time, but exemplifies something a mainstream journalist doesn’t want people to know: namely the truth.

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2 responses to “How to be a mainstream journalist

  1. freedom1781

    Hahaha! Nailed it! I’ve worked in mainstream media for almost 20 years. I’ve seen journos come and go. Only 2 of them were Republicans. They left because they couldn’t stand all the hateful rhetoric coming from their colleagues. Almost all journalists HATE Republicans and Conservatives.

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