Daily Archives: June 18, 2016

Grunt Report from Paris: UEFA Euro 2016


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James Gruntson, before being beat up and robbed by frail Pakistani Lady

Gruntington Post[Paris] – James Gruntson, our man in Paris, checked in last night after being shaken from his usual drunken stupor by a pickpocketing-turned-violent at the Eiffel Tower.  He had planned to go to the top, along with all the other rowdy, drunken football fans packing Paris these few weeks for the UEFA 2016 Euro Championships, and he got through the queue after about an hour.  He had his 30 Euros in his hand and was about to hand it to the attendant at the gate, when a little old Pakistani woman (or as Barack would say: “Pockistahni woman”) reached from behind him and grabbed his money and ran off.

Being in total shock, James merely looked up at the faces of the Eiffel Tower staff who were busy laughing at him.  Shrugging and walking away, Jim learned a valuable lesson from this experience.  If he’d been in Communist China, (ok, I know there’s no Eiffel Tower in China) and this had happened, ten citizens would have chased down the woman and roughed her up and apologized to Jim while handing his money back.  Then they’d take the old bitch to the police.  In France, nobody friggin’ cares about some stupid tourist, or justice, or pride in their pathetic country, even though they are actually getting paid by “The City of Light” (La Ville Lumière) to care about those things.  Whatever.  I guess the other lesson is not to look too ‘nice’, even if you’re over 6 feet tall, when everybody else looks like this:


Russian cartoon depicting the unfair European press sympathizing with the rowdy English fan/thugs who get routinely beat up by the Russian fan/thugs.

Notice that, in the above story, there was no *SECURITY* at the Eiffel Tower to jump out of the bushes and assist. That’s probably a bad thing during an event like UEFA 2016, when terror cells in Paris have supposedly been activated and there is a direct threat identified by authorities. Whatever. At least the tower looks good until somebody blows it up later in the week.CkdESeHWkAAAl4l.jpg-large

But anyway, back to the actual football game.  If anybody cares, Spain kicked the asses of the Turkish team yesterday, 3-0, which is a pretty good score in a game that often ends scoreless.  Like friggin’ LePanto all over again.  Also, Spain seems to be favored to take the entire championship, and I’m just fine with that.  We’ll see how it goes.  But, personally, I’m not sure how anybody can get jazzed up over a sporting event where the best example of cheesecake on the ads or Twitter feed is something like this article below.

CkfwsPZXIAEIWF2Although, in fairness, the football players get a lot of exposure, and their long hair is much more attractive than most of the European women in view.  At least, I think this is a player in the photo below.  I’ll have to check.  Aw, f*+k it.  It’s not that interesting.


It’ll be going on for a while, so no hurry checking scores, but it will be over before August when everybody in France goes on vacation for a month or so.  There you have it.  Jim might update me with more info in between croissants and bottle of cabernet sauvignon, but probably not.


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