Sesame Street Introduces New Muslim Muppet ‘Zari’

From The Barbed Wire.

The popular children’s show Sesame Street has a new Muppet character, hijab-wearing “Zari,” who will be introduced on the Afghani version of the show. In PBS’s effort to remain as politically correct as possible, the character is an Islamic girl who will teach children about female empowerment and education, among other things.

Advertising posters for the character show her playing with Elmo and Grover. You can bet though that since Zari will live on the Sesame Street in Afghanistan, life will be a little different than the Sesame Street Americans are familiar with.

bert & ernie

First, you will notice that Zari only has four fingers on each hand. Clearly, she has had a finger on each hand cut off for stealing, or some other violation of Sharia law. The mean streets of Afghanistan are no place for a Muppet.

Viewers of the Middle Eastern version of the show will get to meet Zari’s 49 year-old husband, even though Zari herself is only 10 years old. She, with the help of other characters on the show, will teach young girls the joys of being a child bride and sex slave.

Some episode plot lines that have already been announced include:

  • Zari finds out Muppet genital mutilation isn’t as fun as it sounds.
  • She accidentally allows some of her hair to come out from under her hijab, resulting in her first stoning.
  • Miss Piggy makes a surprise visit, but Zari feels that Piggy makes the local deli unclean so she straps on her suicide vest to solve the problem. The deli needed remodeling anyway.
  • Zari gets educated on homosexuality in a special episode that ends with Bert and Ernie getting tossed off the rooftop of a tall building.
  • Zari’s refugee cousins arrive from Syria and proceed to gang-rape Big Bird.

In no time, Zari will probably be migrating to the American Sesame Street, where she will teach American children how wonderful her culture is.

The episodes will be brought to you by the letters I, E, D and by the number 666.

big bird

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Trump Tells Boston Globe to Leave Satire to the Pros

Music Concerts Cancelled Until Communities Meet an Artist’s Political Demands


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