For premature. Not intended for viewing by anyone over the age of 13.
This is probably the silliest one I’ve done in awhile.
POLITICAL CORRUPTION! LIES! HYPOCRISY! INCOMPETENCE!
It happened yesterday, it’s going on today and it will still be going on Monday.
But not today.
Gather ’round and you shall hear of Hillary and Yoko’s affair, Miss Piggy, chicks who fart, world’s oldest cat and broken penises. If you are an intellectual, have an Ivy League law degree, shun lowbrow humor or are easily offended you may want to go to another site now.
Top fashion hairdresser was found dead in a stream after breaking into a zoo wearing rubber bondage gear while high on crystal meth
•David Palin, 45, wandered off in the night while staying at friend’s in Staffs
•He broke into Blackbrook Zoological Park, while wearing vest and pants
•Stylist found in stream days later amid broken glass and trails of blood
•Inquest told he died from drowning but could have contracted hypothermia
•Tributes poured in from fashion world, with one calling him ‘Pure Heaven’
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3110684/Top-fashion-hairdresser-dead-stream-breaking-tourist-attraction-wearing-rubber-bondage-gear-high-crystal-meth.html#ixzz3c6W01l00
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I just wanna know if that cute little dog is okay?!
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Cops: Woman Beat Beau Over Kiss, Cuddle Rejection
Floridian, 39, faces battery rap for bloody attack
HELL HATH NO FURY
JUNE 2–A Florida woman is facing a domestic violence charge for allegedly biting, scratching, and hitting her live-in boyfriend when he declined to kiss and cuddle with her, police report.+
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/woman-busted-for-battering-beau-564903
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Animals in Mirrors Hilarious Reactions
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Yoko Ono: “I Had an Affair with Hillary Clinton in the ’70s”
TAKE THIS ARTICLE WITH A GRAIN OF SALT THE SIZE OF A BEACH BALL
The artist and widow of John Lennon, who is in Los Angeles to present a collection of cups and saucers she is exhibiting at the Museum of Modern Art, totally took reporters by surprise by admitting she had not only met the former First Lady at various times during a series of protests against the Vietnam War in New York in the 1970s but also knew her “intimately”.
The celebrity admitted laughingly to having “a fling” with her at the time and acknowledged her election “would be a great advancement for LGBT and Women rights in America” she added.
http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/yoko-ono-i-had-an-affair-with-hillary-clinton-in-the-70s/
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Oh darn. World News Daily Report is a satire site. This is so totally believable!
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DUI suspect facing more charges after ‘showing up drunk to be fingerprinted’
Kevin Kroll, 41, of Dunbar Township, Pennsylvania, faces a preliminary hearing June 30
He faces charges of DUI for the February 20 incident – when he showed up at the precinct to give prints from a January DUI
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3110971/Police-DUI-suspect-showed-drunk-fingerprinted.html#ixzz3cCzXZYAw
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Petsmart! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
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IN HONOR OF THE NEWEST LIBERAL ICON “CAIT” HERE’S A CHICK WITH BALLS
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Climbing perch, fish that can crawl, threaten mainland Australia
SO THIS FISH WALKS INTO A BAR AND ORDERS A BEER
The climbing perch grow up to 9.8 inches and breathe on land through lungs that are next to their gills. They are known to hibernate in the mud of dried-up creek beds for up to six months.
http://www.grindtv.com/wildlife/climbing-perch-fish-that-can-crawl-threaten-mainland-australia/#eM9dL3YTZsXPkT7C.99
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That’s pretty funny! What kind of beer does the fish order? A PBR? (Perch Blue Ribbon)
The fish tells the barkeep, “Didja hear the one about Yoko and Hillary? It smells a little fishy.”
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Miss Piggy to be honored with feminist award at Brooklyn Museum
THIS IS NOT A JOKE
Screen and TV star, diva and beloved Muppet, Miss Piggy, is being recognized for her contributions to society with a feminist award at the Brooklyn Museum in New York on Thursday.
The glamorous, outspoken pig will receive the award at the evening ceremony from the Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist Art. The presentation will include a conversation with veteran women’s rights campaigner Gloria Steinem and a 20-minute video retrospective of Miss Piggy’s career.
http://news.yahoo.com/miss-piggy-honored-feminist-award-brooklyn-museum-172219930.html#
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Chris Rock – How not to get your ass kicked by the police!
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One of my favorites! 🙂
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Cops Use DNA Analysis to Prove Chili’s Waiter Spit in Customer’s Drink
EEEWWWWWW
A New York man who suspected that a Chili’s restaurant waiter had spit into his drink got the law involved and investigators were able to determine who spit into the drink using DNA analysis, according to court documents.
The incident took place last July, when Ken Yerdon and his wife, Julie Aluzzo Yerdon, went to dinner at a Chili’s restaurant on Route 31 in Clay, New York, according to court documents from a lawsuit filed Tuesday. The couple complained to their server, Gregory Lamica, then 24, that their food was under-cooked and that they hadn’t been served chips, Yerdon said.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/cops-dna-analysis-prove-chilis-waiter-spit-customers/story?id=31495378
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This Model’s Legs Are Nearly 4 Feet Long, Each
THERE IS NO PURPOSE FOR POSTING THIS OTHER THAN THE FACT I’M A PIG
Dong Lei, 20, from Anhui, China, has captured the global Internet’s attention with her insanely long stems, which, according to the Daily Mail (via People’s Daily Online), measure a staggering 3.75 feet-long each—about the height of a seven-year-old child. Including the rest of her body parts, Lei stands 5′11″ tall. (For reference, the longest jeans in supermodel Karlie Kloss’s Frame denim line, made specifically for leggy women, have a 40″ inseam.)
https://www.yahoo.com/style/this-models-legs-are-nearly-4-feet-long-each-120708647203.html
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Agony of man who heard his penis SNAP during sex – and had to keep it in a sling for two months afterwards
Alan Parke was having sex with his girlfriend when he heard a snap
Saw a spurt of blood and felt ‘excruciating pain’ so bad he screamed
Was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery to repair his broken penis
Had to wear a sling afterwards and was off work in bed for two months
CAN YOU IMAGINE GOING BACK TO WORK AFTER HAVING YOUR WEINER IN A SLING FOR TWO MONTHS?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3111120/Agony-man-heard-penis-SNAP-sex-sling-two-months-afterwards.html#ixzz3cD7Y6ASC
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Police Arrest Man, 46, Spotted Meditating In Nude On Florida Sidewalk
According to a misdemeanor criminal complaint, Wright was “sitting naked in a meditation like pose while completely nude” around 9:50 AM. Wright was in “plain, public sight, behind a bus stop,” reported Officer Brian Rivera.
Wright, who cops say is a transient, has been arrested several times for trepass in the past two years. His rap sheet also includes collars for disorderly conduct and public urination.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/naked-meditation-arrest-780935
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GOV. KRISPY KREME HACKS AWAY
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World’s Oldest Cat, Tiffany Two, Dies at Age 27
SURVIVORS ASK FOR CASH DONATIONS TO THE FAMILY IN LIEU OF FLOWERS
“She spent her last days laying either on the deck or down in the yard,” owner Sharron Voorhees told ABC News. “She used to sleep right next to me every night. But in recent months she slept in the middle of the staircase, or, most recently, she had taken up residence on the dog’s huge pillow-bed in the living room. But that night she slept next to me on her heated pad. And that is where she passed.”
https://gma.yahoo.com/worlds-oldest-cat-tiffany-two-dies-age-27-171331691–abc-news-pets.html
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Why is this post so beautiful yet heartbreaking to me? And why am I tearing up …?
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Man Undergoes 173 Digital Rectal Exams in 3 Days, Sues for $5,000,000
HIS SPHINCTER WAS SO WIDE OPEN HE COULD PARK A VOLKSWAGEN INSIDE
Eric Wilson will remember for a very long time, his first visit at the Methodist Hospital of Chicago. The man who checked in for a simple prostate exam, ended up undergoing a total of 173 digital rectal examinations before he was finally able to go home, three days later.
http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/man-undergoes-173-digital-rectal-exams-in-3-days-sues-for-5000000/
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Ugh… World News Daily strikes again…
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JUST THINK OF HOW MUCH OF YOUR LIFE YOU’VE WASTED READING THIS DRIVEL
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