Just today, Monday, the Duffel Blog posted an amusing parody about an intelligence officer at Bagram Airfield who finally discarded enough essential equipment from his tactical vest to find a place to put his 16″ tactical tomahawk, which of course, is much more critical than a first aid kit or extra ammo.
But the awesome thing about this blog post is that it comes just in time to use against my son, who flies back into town tonight from a training trip. You see, when he left town last week, he was carrying a lot of tactical gear, including firearms locked in hard cases to be checked with the airline. But the really fun thing is that he apparently forgot to take the tactical tomahawk out of his carry-on backpack before attempting to clear TSA security at Denver International Airport. This is not something I advise any readers to do if they value their freedom or dignity. If you choose to do such a thing, I highly advise that you do it while part of a large group of other men dressed in similar tactical gear. That intimidates the TSA just enough to forget that they’re supposed to treat you like a “lone wolf” terrorist and you might barely escape without an anal probing.
The downside to traveling in such a group, as my son found out, is that your unit will not fail to notice that you’ve done one of the most bonehead things they’ve ever seen, and you will be doing pushups until you can’t move and buying everybody steak dinners for a very long time. And then, after all that, you get home, and your dad gets to give you crap about how you’ve “dishonored the family” and make you fetch beers from the fridge downstairs for hours. I can’t wait.