NASA to Make Crew Announcement in U.S. Return to Space

Gruntington Post (Satire) – NASA Chief Administrator Charles Bolden is expected to make an important announcement today at 4pm from the Kennedy Space Center regarding the long expected U.S. return to manned space. Reports from the Agency, which has been preparing for this moment for over a year under direction from the White House, indicate that a crew will be announced at the press conference today. The photo below was distributed to the Press beforehand, and it shows the entire new astronaut corps discussing a model of the new Orion Crew Module, but no names have been yet divulged.
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5 responses to “NASA to Make Crew Announcement in U.S. Return to Space

  1. What a crock! Here are the first few sentences of Bolden’s announcement a couple hours ago:

    Today, with the selection of Boeing and SpaceX to be the first American companies to launch our astronauts to the International Space Station, NASA has set the stage for what promises to be the most ambitious and exciting chapter in the history of human spaceflight.

    From day one, the Obama Administration has made it clear that the greatest nation on Earth should not be dependent on other nations to get into space. Thanks to the leadership of President Obama and the hard work of our NASA and industry teams, today we are one step closer to launching our astronauts from U.S. soil on American spacecraft and ending the nation’s sole reliance on Russia by 2017.

    Are you kidding me???? “From day one????” We WEREN’T dependent on other nations to launch our astronauts until Obama canceled the programs and got us into the mess all by himself! Now he takes total credit for a speculative future solution to his own problem!???!? What a maroon.

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    • chrissythehyphenated

      I am BOGGLED. I thought “Bolden” was a play on “Holden” … not the actual chief of NASA!!!

      Sept 16, 2014: “If all goes according to plan, the two companies will reduce or end NASA’s dependence on Russia for its orbital taxi service. Russia’s Soyuz has been NASA’s only crew access to space since the space shuttle fleet retired in 2011.”

      Uh … yeah! 2011. Obama hoisted his Muslim flag over NASA in January of 2009. (For the mathematically challenged, 2009 was BEFORE 2011 and long AFTER Boooshitler retired.)

      “Today’s announcement sets the stage for what promises to be the most ambitious and exciting chapter in the history of NASA and human spaceflight,” NASA Administrator Charles Bolden told reporters today.”

      You’re freaking kidding me, right?! Were the people who took us to the MOON not working for NASA? Oh wait, maybe they weren’t “human” or … oh, riiiiiiiiiiiight, it wasn’t actual “spaceflight” but just a big HOAX filmed at Century Studios.

      Sources:

      http://www.space.com/27169-nasa-picks-spacex-boeing-spaceships.html

      http://online.wsj.com/articles/boeing-and-spacex-share-6-8-billion-in-nasa-space-taxi-contracts-1410904245

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      • Exactly. I’m just beside myself with the outrageousness of the BS these guys spew so unashamedly. We are literally the laughingstock of the space community all over the world. The Russians rule space right now. The Indians and Chinese run circles around us. Botswana might even have a better space program, but Bolden tells us we’re at our finest moment. I want to gag.

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        • chrissythehyphenated

          How does a man go from being a Major General and astronaut to playing the court fool for the worst president in history?

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          • I couldn’t ask the question any better, Chrissy. That’s exactly the situation. He’s an honorable man, or at least he was. But since 2009 he’s served, willingly, as a court buffoon for a fraud. In 2010, he willingly shut down Congress-approved programs, illegally, knowing it would cripple his country. All because his boss told him to. A better man would have surrendered his position and kept his integrity. Now it’s all been flushed down the toilet.

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