Catch-22, Thy Name is Caffeine

COFFEE without it

Today could be going better.

I put the pot on and prepared my favorite brew in my Bodum coffee press. Then I did some dishes. When it seemed like the water was taking way too long to boil, I realized I hadn’t turned on the (electric) burner. So I did that and got back to the dishes.

When I noticed a burning smell, I thought, “There must be a a piece of spaghetti or some crumbs under the burner.” Picking up the pot to blow under the burner, I realized it was empty … and smoking hot. So I cooled it off, put a cup of water in, put it back on the hot burner and got back to the dishes.

Then I realized I was getting a headache from the burned pot smell.  Or maybe caffeine withdrawal.  Probably both.  So I  turned on the exhaust fan and did some more dishes. Yes, there were a lot of dishes.

And since running water sounds exactly like the sound water makes right before it boils, which is when I like it best, I didn’t catch it before it was at a full rolling boil.  I don’t want to crack my very expensive glass Bodum coffee press (again … $44), so I put the water pot on a cool burner and tossed in an ice cube.

Again with the dishes, where I realized I had forgotten to set the 8 minute timer I use for steeping coffee.  Alert readers will notice I never put the water in the Bodum.  I did not notice.  I was not alert then.  I am not alert now.  How can I be alert when I haven’t had my flipping coffee!!??

So yeah … dishes, blah blah, the timer goes off and I find water has not yet met coffee grounds.  Only after I dump the water into the Bodum do I have the sparklingly clever idea to check if it is still hot. I wasn’t. Crap. I don’t like lukewarm coffee, but dammit, I needed my caffeine!  Back to the bloody dishes until I again realized I have forgotten to set the timer.

By this time, the water has brewed itself into stone cold coffee, which I do not like.  Although I am very ready to throw something, I remember that $44 and say a prayer.  What was that about trusting God?  Oh right.  On the off chance that God has an opinion about whether I have a cup of coffee right now, I dump it down the drain and abandon the kitchen, which still stinks of burnt pan.

This would not be a good time to post snarky comments about stupid people who allow themselves to become addicted to drugs, however legal. (See graphic.)

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