Posted by Pistol Pete

If you are new here you’re probably asking yourself what kind of a sick,diseased mind would read this kind of nonsense,much less post it. That would be me. It’s a release valve,after a fashion,from all the filth and depravity I wade through on a daily basis. The things I find make me feel like there are much weirder people than me walking around. You will not find a similar post anywhere. Guaranteed.




Filed under Funny Stuff

37 responses to “PETE’S PAGE; FRIDAY FUN

  1. Pistol Pete

    The 25 Stupidest Liberal Quotes Of The Last Decade
    25) Seniors love getting junk mail. It’s sometimes their only way of communicating or feeling like they’re part of the real world. — Harry Reid

    15) Is there such a thing as a man-made stroke? In other words, did someone do this to (Democratic Senator Tim Johnson)? …I know what this [Republican] party is capable of. — Joy Behar on The View

    10) Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs. — Nancy Pelosi

    3) I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. — Sheryl Crow at the Huffington Post


  2. Pistol Pete

    Ouch! Woman tries to cut off husband’s penis with a BOX CUTTER (but only nicks his jeans)

    I’d hazard a guess to say the magic has gone out of their relationship.


  3. Pistol Pete

    Model Suing Playboy For Letting Golfer Drive Ball Off Her Ass


  4. Pistol Pete

    Las Vegas police trying to ID man in ‘Thunder from Down Under’ fight
    Las Vegas police are trying to identify a man they said pulled a handgun on a group of entertainers from “Thunder from Down Under” at the Excalibur Tuesday night.

    The man is in police custody and faces charges of attempted murder with a deadly weapon, attempted robbery with a deadly weapon, and burglary with a deadly weapon.

    Police say the man, described as being between the ages of 25 and 30, went behind the stage and entered the strippers’ “Thunder from Down Under” locker room about 9 p.m. According to police, he stole belongings from the group.

    Several performers from the show later confronted the suspect when they saw him with their property, police said. The suspect brandished a gun and a struggle ensued.

    The gun was fired during the struggle, but police said no one was hit. One person received a powder burn from the impact of the shot and was treated at the scene.

    The suspect was taken to University Medical Center and will be booked upon his release. He appeared to be under the influence of methamphetamine, police said.


  5. Pistol Pete

    ‘You are married to the Lord and your daddy is your boyfriend’: Purity balls, in which girls ‘gift their virginity’ to their fathers until marriage, sweeping America
    Purity balls now take place in 48 states in the US, and in 17 countries

    Daughters promise to remain pure and give virginity to fathers to ‘protect’
    Girls given a ring as well as having wedding style ‘first dance’ with fathers


    • chrissythehyphenated

      Glad this wasn’t around when my girls were that age. I really broke the bank getting them purity rings. It was each one’s first trip to a real jewelry store to pick out whatever they wanted.


    • They lost me at “gift.” Using “gift” as a verb (rather than “give”) is one of my linguistic pet peeves — it’s right up there with using “partner” as a verb. It’s like fingernails on a blackboard.


      • chrissythehyphenated

        Is this a regional thing? I’ve heard and used both my whole life. This is the first I’ve heard anyone bothered about them so I googled and found something very odd.

        Both of these words have been used as verbs since the 17th century and both have web pages devoted to why they should not be used as verbs.


        • Those two examples have enough history to be legitimate, but I agree with Bob that they can be overused (or unnecessarily used) by some people who subscribe to the verbapalooza trend common among business and technical people (and often politicians). The only irritating thing is that it’s done excessively in buzzword displays. I’m going to be giving a presentation to a bunch of engineers and managers tomorrow, and I guarantee they will make me ill by repeatedly:

          1. Using “dialogue” as a verb: “Let’s dialogue about that.”
          2. Using “disconnect” as a noun: “We have a huge disconnect here.”
          3. Lots of other creatively, but awkwardly, used expressions.


          • chrissythehyphenated

            Just a thought from my grad school days in Communication Arts. There are two kinds of specialized word use known collectively as “jargon.”

            One is specialized words used by a group of people to facilitate communication. This may be common words used in a very specific way. E.g., LEO (LEE oh) for astronomers would mean Low Earth Orbit, but for cops would mean Law Enforcement Officers. Within the group, everyone knows what is meant, so it makes understanding faster and easier.

            The other type of specialized words are those the group makes up or adopts (often from a foreign language) because there is nothing appropriate. This type always reminds me of an English professor I had my freshman year who apparently had a lot of IBM neighbors he despised.

            One day in class, he went on a big rant about how stoooooooooooopid they were for using words that aren’t real words. (This from a man who couldn’t explain to me why my writing got a B instead of an A … just that it wasn’t [kissy noise] “just THAT good.” Big help improving my writing, pal. NOT] His example?

            “Software” This was 1972. You can guess how low my opinion of that alleged English language specialist is/was/will ever be.

            I’m thinking your last example is made up of clumsy attempts at this type of jargon by not-very-bright individuals who want to be perceived by the group as in-the-know. These people annoy the hell out of those who actually are in-the-know and thus do all of the real work the group gets done.

            The other kind of jargon is intentionally exclusionary. Sometimes is a shibboleth, one or more words used in specialized ways by members of a group in order to identify insiders versus outsiders. E.g., teens are always switching up their slang so that adults don’t understand what they’re talking about.

            The other is what I sense is happening in the examples you gave, Grunt. “Let’s dialogue about that” and “We have a huge disconnect here” are (in my humble experience) the verbal equivalent of “Whatever.” They all mean, “I don’t actually give a crap about you and your stupid ideas. Now shut up or leave. Or both.” Southern ladies use “Bless your heart.”

            One thing I learned in my communication studies is that the words themselves don’t matter nearly as much as the intent. My prof once remarked that many marriages fail due to an alleged “lack of communication.” He said, “Oh they’re communicating all right! The marriages fail because of WHAT they’re communicating.”


        • I was born in 1954, and up until about five or ten years ago, I had never heard “partner” or “gift” used as verbs, nor had I ever seen either one used that way in print. I’ll take your word for it that they’ve been around much longer. I still hate them. Using “gift” in place of “give” is just highfalutin, in addition to being completely unnecessary. Why not just say “give”? “Gift” is a noun: something given. “Gifted” (as in having been blessed with certain talents or other desirable attributes) is an adjective. “Give” is the verb form. What is gained by muddying them up and trying to use them interchangeably?

          As for “partnering,” it’s just way too touchy-feely-new-agey for me. Maybe one reason I hate it so much is that it almost always comes in the context of someone trying to cajole you into parting with your money: “Will you partner with us in this worthy cause by pledging [fill in the blank] dollars…”

          As a persnickety English major, I get into discussions like this all the time — because someone needs to stand athwart the degradation of the language, shouting “Stop!” — and inevitably someone points out that whatever abomination I happen to be railing against at the moment appears in Shakespeare or Chaucer or Dickens. So what? When I write stories or plays, I also suit the language to the character: Characters who are foolish, or uneducated, or miseducated, or ridiculous, are going to speak a certain way, and I write their lines the way they would speak them. Characters who are intelligent, educated, and thoughtful are obviously going to speak differently. This is the case in any well-written work of fiction; nothing destroys a story’s verisimilitude like having a character speak in a way that that particular character would never speak.


  6. Pistol Pete

    Amish Buggy Driver Sought In Hit-And-Trot

    Police: Suspect fled after twice crashing into Honda

    What goes:clip clop bang!
    clip clop bang!
    An Amish drive-by shooting


  7. Pistol Pete

    Man drove all the way from New Jersey to Louisiana to have Phil Robertson baptize him


  8. Pistol Pete

    Woman charged $787.33 for two-mile cab ride
    Swarthy,smelly meditteranean type tries to rip off pretty white girl–787-33-for-two-mile-cab-ride-202344033.html


  9. Pistol Pete

    The Awesome Moment 81-Year-Old Man Bowls First Perfect Game of His Life
    I started bowling as a kid and was a certified instructor for years.I quit in 1984 and the highest game I ever bowled was a 297(11 strikes,left 3 pins on my last ball.)
    This is just too neat.


  10. Pistol Pete

    Taco Bell diner, 20, ‘assaulted for belching inside eatery and not saying excuse me’

    South Carolina’s Isaiah Morris, 20, told police a fellow patron hit him with a chair, choked him and tried to head-butt him
    The man allegedly fled in a pick-up truck on Sunday afternoon

    Police have closed the case because there was no CCTV footage

    Granny always told you to mind your manners


  11. Pistol Pete

    Creep Arrested For McDonald’s Bathroom Breach

    Suspect got stuck under partition in women’s lavatory
    –A Tennessee man who tried to crawl into an occupied stall in a McDonald’s women’s bathroom was thwarted when he got stuck under a partition, according to cops who yesterday arrested him for the creepy intrusion.

    Take one look at his mug shot and you’ll say,’yup,he did it.’


  12. Pistol Pete

    Man Steals $450,000 In Quarters From Town Parking Meters
    Prosecutors said that over the course of two years, Thomas Rica literally stuffed his pockets with quarters from the Village of Ridgewood’s meter collection room, a tidy sum that totaled more than $450,000.
    Probably hung around a Laundromat exchanging quarters for dollars


  13. Pistol Pete

    Soul sister in full habit stuns judges on Italy’s The Voice with amazing version of Alicia Keys’ No One
    this will make your day!


  14. Pistol Pete

    Food Fight At Early Bird Diner Lands Senior Citizen in Jail
    OMG!Before I read the article I remembered taking DW to Golden Corral at FOUR THIRTY IN THE FREAKIN’ AFTERNOON!Had to park in the second parking lot.If you want to see aggressive seniors,this is the place to be.I got an elbow in the ribs from an old broad in orthopedic shoes because she thought I was going to take the last shrimp.I politely informed her I’d never struck a woman in anger in my life,much less an old one.But if she did it again,I was going to slap the thunder out of her.It was on.
    Regret. Pain. Ageism. Getting old isn’t easy. But what’s more tragic is when seniors can’t frequent their local early bird eatery without fear for their personal safety.


  15. Pistol Pete

    Walmart Weirdo Sought In Toe Sucking Scheme

    Cops: Suspect posed as podiatry student to trick female victim
    WalMart has always been a weirdo magnet


  16. Pistol Pete

    Why dark chocolate really IS good for you: Stomach microbes turn cocoa into a natural drug that reduces blood pressure
    Previous studies found dark chocolate reduces blood pressure

    Now scientists have discovered this is due to how our guts ferment cocoa
    By breaking down chocolate compounds, microbes produce molecules that act like a natural anti-inflammatory
    This ‘drug’ enters the bloodstream and helps protect arteries from damage
    Dark chocolate contains a higher cocoa content than milk chocolate


  17. Pistol Pete

    Hawaii law lets police have sex with prostitutes
    Police haven’t said how often — or even if — they use the provision. And when they asked legislators to preserve it, they made assurances that internal policies and procedures are in place to prevent officers from taking advantage of it.
    uh huh,yeah.What could possibly go wrong?


  18. Pistol Pete

    Meet Jarvis


  19. Pistol Pete

    Husband locked wife in garden shed because she kept chanting ‘Ding dong, the witch is dead’ after his mother died
    Andrew Salmon, 42, was upset with wife’s reaction when his mother died
    So when Beverley Salmon returned to their Truro home, he locked her out
    He then locked her into their garden shed – she escaped through window
    Row continued in the house and Salmon assaulted his wife, who is also 42
    He said she had never liked his mother and wasn’t kind when she died
    Admitted assaulting his wife and told police he regretted everything he did
    Salmon will be sentenced at Truro Magistrates’ Court next month
    Moral of the story:never badmouth a man’s mother.Even when she’s gone.


  20. Pistol Pete

    McDonald’s Patron Pointed Gun At Drive-Thru Worker Over Missing French Fries (Or Dipping Sauce)
    Avoid fast food joints….I beseech thee


  21. Pistol Pete

    Mother creates heartbreaking sand box tribute on her infant son’s grave so his toddler brother can spend time with him
    •Ashlee Hammac, 24, gave birth to son Ryan Michael Jolley October 11, 2013, but he passed away five days later
    •Baby Ryan suffered irreparable brain damage after Miss Hammac’s placenta burst, depriving him of oxygen

    •Infant’s healthy heart was donated to help save another baby
    This is called coping with tragedy with love


  22. Pistol Pete

    This has over 8 million hits


  23. chrissythehyphenated

    Pete, your release valve reminds me of the black humor of people enduring bad times or working in emotionally difficult professions.