Back Tapping 101 by The Honest Toddler

Some/All of you have become terrible at back tapping. Here is a free fresher course. No string attached. If you see any strings please give them to me because they’re mine.

Tapping a child’s back is a simple way to show you are sorry for the day’s events. Take pride in your work and stop being selfish.

  1. “I’m busy doing important things.” Your McDonald’s apple pies and TV will be there when you return don’t worry.
  2. “How long should back tapping last?” Once you stop loving you child feel free to walk away.
  3. “It’s late at night. Should I back tap?” Unless you have a notarized doctor’s note for an allergy to moonlight, yes.
  4. “Why notarized?” Because you’re a liar.
  5. “My arm hurts.” This is normal. You are transferring your strength into your child.
  6. “My arm hurts.” Sacrifice can be feel uncomfortable. For instant relief focus on the reasons you became a parent.
  7. “I’m bored.” Instagram this moment in your head. Make it look like an old photo and pretend your friends can see.
  8. “My arm still hurts.” Maybe you just want attention. Unfortunately this isn’t possible so feel free to keep talking about this pain in your mind only.
  9. “Can I switch hands?” Only if you can do so without drawing attention to yourself.
  10. “How much force?” You don’t get points for being scary strong. You’re relaxing a child, not manually resetting their heartbeat.
  11. “My child is asleep. Can I leave?” Wait until REM (Really Enjoying Mattress). Stay in the room.
  12. “Can I check my Facebook while back tapping?” No because your tapping become arrhythmic and VERY LAZY.
  13. “It’s morning. I can see the sun.” Congratulations! Your reward is making breakfast yay.

Source @

BONUS QUIZ: Can you tell the difference between modern art and toddler art?

For the record, I sold my first piece of art when I was 7 for $2. Then I majored in Art History in college and have a framed piece by my 2yo grandson in my home. I only got 4 out of 11 correct! LOL


Filed under Funny Stuff

6 responses to “Back Tapping 101 by The Honest Toddler

  1. Haha! I got the same score you did Chrissy — and I was an English major!

    Actually, when I looked at the pictures, I realized right away that the quiz was way too hard for a non-artist like me, so I guessed “modern” for all of them. And only four of them were NOT toddler art.


  2. I suspect at least a few of those paintings were done by this artist…


    • That cat is pretty talented! Beats the snot out of the art done by the elephant at the Indianapolis Zoo. That’s a cute one, Bob. Is it really a photograph? Or is it a painting of a cat doing art? That would be cool.


  3. Heh! Read it and weep, Ladies. The dork rocket scientist gets 9 out of 11 on the art test. I didn’t really play straight, though. Started out assuming they purposely chose toddler art that had aspects of modern art and modern art that particularly *looked* like toddler art. Got lucky on that. Reverse psychology wins this time, I guess.


  4. GP

    I got 8 out of 11 and I guessed at every one.
    Moral of the story, just go with it!
    And if you are at the Art Institute in Chicago, make sure you check out the huge million dollar piece of shit, er, art that is a black canvas with a red dot on it.
    Just goes to show some people will believe anything.


  5. GP

    Reminds me of this TV show where they invited fashionistas to a “Special” samples sale and were able to convince them to spend crazy money on items like, jeans with furr on the front, and a ducky purse, by telling them they would be trendy wearing them.
    Would somebody please explain to why some women obsess over shoes and handbags and are willing to spend enough on them to feed a family of four for a year?