Some/All of you have become terrible at back tapping. Here is a free fresher course. No string attached. If you see any strings please give them to me because they’re mine.
Tapping a child’s back is a simple way to show you are sorry for the day’s events. Take pride in your work and stop being selfish.
- “I’m busy doing important things.” Your McDonald’s apple pies and TV will be there when you return don’t worry.
- “How long should back tapping last?” Once you stop loving you child feel free to walk away.
- “It’s late at night. Should I back tap?” Unless you have a notarized doctor’s note for an allergy to moonlight, yes.
- “Why notarized?” Because you’re a liar.
- “My arm hurts.” This is normal. You are transferring your strength into your child.
- “My arm hurts.” Sacrifice can be feel uncomfortable. For instant relief focus on the reasons you became a parent.
- “I’m bored.” Instagram this moment in your head. Make it look like an old photo and pretend your friends can see.
- “My arm still hurts.” Maybe you just want attention. Unfortunately this isn’t possible so feel free to keep talking about this pain in your mind only.
- “Can I switch hands?” Only if you can do so without drawing attention to yourself.
- “How much force?” You don’t get points for being scary strong. You’re relaxing a child, not manually resetting their heartbeat.
- “My child is asleep. Can I leave?” Wait until REM (Really Enjoying Mattress). Stay in the room.
- “Can I check my Facebook while back tapping?” No because your tapping become arrhythmic and VERY LAZY.
- “It’s morning. I can see the sun.” Congratulations! Your reward is making breakfast yay.
BONUS QUIZ: Can you tell the difference between modern art and toddler art?
For the record, I sold my first piece of art when I was 7 for $2. Then I majored in Art History in college and have a framed piece by my 2yo grandson in my home. I only got 4 out of 11 correct! LOL