Posted by Pistol Pete
It seems that with every passing week,I look more and more to Friday just to lighten things up for my pals and maybe get their weekend off to a good start.Faced with the incessant flow of outrages that we are forced to stand by and watch helplessly is really frustrating and we need to unplug for the sake of our own sanity.
I’m a little late getting started today.We made our weekly pilgrimage to WalMart so I could terrorize the public(see yesterday’s post) and the sky was getting dark when we left home so we took our umbrellas in the store.At one point the lights inside actually went out for a few seconds.I don’t know if they have backup generators but the power came back on.As we got near the checkout I looked outside.The sky was as black as the inside of your hat and the rain was coming down like a cow pissing on a flat rock (I majored in metaphor mixing). Unless you’ve ever seen a cow perform this bodily function you can’t appreciate the concept.About half the checkout registers decided to take the rest of the day off and people were herded from one working checkout to another.
Being the gallant dude I am,I told DW to wait while I opened my umbrella and pulled the car up so she could get right in.I have a Handicapped placard, so I was only a few yards from the door.The car radio on the way home said that the storm packed 60MPH winds.There was such a volume of hot air you’d think Schumer and Dirtbag were arguing.
On a personal note,my state raised the tax on cigarettes $1 per pack last year.They didn’t raise as much money as they figured,so this Sunday its going up another dollar.So a carton of name brand cigarettes will be about $80.00 around here.It’s much,much higher in Chicago because of the excessive taxes.What always galled me was that anytime the politicians need more money the first thing they do is drop more taxes on tobacco.Cutting spending never enters their minds.I smoked between 1-2 packs a day for almost 40 years.I stopped for good at the end of February,just before I went into the hospital.I never thought I’d find the will to quit,but after a quadruple bypass 10 years ago and now toting a pacemaker and using oxygen for my COPD,it’s all over.My body was warning me this was my last chance.The strange thing is I don’t even miss it.I will confess,though,I get some perverse pleasure thinking about smokers(most of them Obamaphiles) that will pay whatever it costs to get their nicotine fix.
I have some really good things for you today.Be ready to chuckle,smile,and,oh, have some Kleenex handy;I have a couple stories that will test your tear ducts…I promise.
LIKE IF YOU SEE HANDS
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