Dear American Liberals,

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Let’s just chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our separate ways, okay?

Dividing up our joint property should be easy.

Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take all the firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can have all the peace-niks and war protesters.

We will also take the nasty, smelly oil, gas and coal industries, as well as the dangerous nuclear power plants. You can have all the wind, solar and bio-diesel you can find. We expect to keep Air Force One, Al Gore’s fleet of SUV’s and all the private jets of every Hollywood celebrity who has donated to Obama, since none of them will run on anything but fossil fuels. Good luck finding any “green” vehicle big enough to transport Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell to their new, carbon-neutral digs.

We don’t like redistributive taxes, so you can keep those. We’ll take capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

We’ll keep the Bible, Judeo-Christian values and the right to invade and hammer dangerous people who threaten us or our allies. You can have NBC, Hollywood, Situational Ethics, Political Correctness and Shirley MacLaine.

You can also have the U.N. membership. We’re sick of paying for something we never use anyway.

We’ll take the Constitution, The Battle Hymn of the Republic, The National Anthem, God Bless America, the Pledge of Allegiance and the Red, White and Blue. You can have Jonathan Seagull, Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, We Are the World and the Obama Flag.

Admittedly, it will be more difficult to equably divide the land. We propose this be the last task given to the current Supreme Court. After the divorce is finalized and everyone has moved to whichever new nation they prefer, you can have your four fave judges and we’ll take ours. We’ll flip for Roberts.


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7 responses to “Dear American Liberals,

  1. Like! This is the one divorce I’m looking forward to! 😀


  2. Brilliant, Chrissy. I especially like “flipping” for Roberts.


  3. GP

    I agree with you on everything except the drug companies. We could do without most drugs, and most vaccines if people were told the truth about simple things that work better in most cases.
    I just got rid of a tooth infection with “oil pulling” and kyolic garlic. No antibiotics needed!
    One of my biggest frustrations is that the right does not embrace holistic health because it has totally been hijacked by the left. Soros has gobbled up all kinds of “worthy” causes through his TIDES foundation and is using them to basically launder money and rake in big donations. Skindeep, the Environmental Working Group, Organic Consumers org, and the breast cancer fund are just a few.
    If the right would stop protecting big Agra and Big Pharma, we would become the party that not only saves money, but helps people get and stay healthy.


    • chrissythehyphenated

      I agree we should not be protecting Big Agra or Big Pharma or Big Anybody. The idea anyone’s too big to fail us absurd.

      And as much as I embrace, benefit from and endorse holistic, alternative, real food, etc etc. … I’ve been as dismayed by the prejudice on that side as I have on the other.

      It was so HARD trying to make choices, for my kids especially, without anyone who understood or had any appreciation for the whole picture to provide guidance. The holistic people were always all “don’t take any drugs”; the MDs were all “if we don’t do it, it’s crap.”

      I did have one doctor who helped me sort through the vaccination maze, choosing the ones that were safest, had the best record and were for diseases still prevalent that had no real treatment.

      And my dd had one specialist who was supportive of our desire to try natural remedies for her thyroid problem before we went to thyroxin. Just adding kelp to her diet brought her levels half way to okay and he was really congratulatory of my parenting for doing the research and insisting on trying.

      Beyond that … I had to pretend to each side that I was just as biased as they were or risk wasting consulting time on a ranting lecture. One thing I am very grateful for is that the new generation of health practitioners seems to be really different.

      I raised my girls to do the research, follow the data and make the best decision for themselves, because NObody knows their total situation like they do. Now they’re caring for themselves, hubbies and babes, they are finding much more cross-over support in the health care community on both sides of the aisle.