YOUR FUNNY CHRISTMAS CARD

Today a fear I have harbored for the 30+ years I’ve been driving around the country came to pass.As I sped down a country road delivering my papers,a black and white critter ambled into my path and I whacked him.The guard at the gated subdivision I deliver to opened the window to get his free paper and said: ‘You hit a skunk,didn’t you?’
‘Ya think?’
Then a new customer that started today got the wrong paper by mistake and I had to backtrack 10 miles to change them.
Before I got home I went through a drive through car wash to wash the undercarriage.I forgot I had left one of the rear windows down to vent the smell.When I got home DW said we were out of milk so I had to drink my coffee black.Think you’re having a bad day?
Hopefully,maybe one of these videos will make you laugh…or smile…or chuckle…whatever.

10 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff, Holidays

10 responses to “YOUR FUNNY CHRISTMAS CARD

  1. Ting

    Funny stuff – That Bob Rivers has a funky sense of humor, but I liked it!

    A few weeks ago I went with some friends to an annual bazaar that has about 1500 vendors, and so many thousands of women patrons that I just couldn’t even guess the number. Of course, the ladies room only has room for 3 ladies at a time, so they spill over to the Gentleman’s room since the ratio is about 1,000 to 1 for that event. I was “guarding” the door for a lady in the Gentleman’s room when a man came to use it. I forbid him from entering, he could not believe it and said he was going to get the police. I said, “Sure, go get them – the lady will be out by the time you get back.” I waited around for the police, just to see what they would say. I thought the whole thing was humorous beyond belief – no way was that guy going to intimidate me. The police just laughed and said “Go for it, girls!”

    Hope tomorrow is a better day! Can’t get much stinkier, anyway.

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    • chrissythehyphenated

      Being married to an architect, I have had my chance to improve the potty ratio for the ladies on a few occasions. Guy architects are SO CLUELESS! They “gang” the plumbing, putting the men’s and women’s back to back, so there will be a similar number of stalls in each, but then for the guys, they put in some urinals and a sink and for the gals they put in MORE SINKS. Like, what, we need to BATHE?

      I hollered and jumped up and down, but finally had to literally MIME for my air headed architect just what it takes for a lady with a purse and panty hose and heels and … God help her if she’s got a little one in a stroller or a wiggly toddler or purchases … to even take a pee. Then I did the same for guys. Then I did hand washing and primping.

      I finally convinced him that what ladies want and need is a maximum number of TOILETS, one or maybe two sinks for hand washing, a pull down diaper changing thing, and a long mirror with a narrow counter beneath it over on the wall away from the sinks where it will be DRY so we can put our purses on it and do a comb and makeup check.

      There are at least a couple of public facilities in New York where the ladies have better facilities and shorter lines. I consider this one of my great contributions to the world. 🙂

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  2. chrissythehyphenated

    “I got shot in the ass by the United States Army.”

    HOO-AH!

    ROFLLLL

    Thank you, Pete. I love Jeff Dunham and had never seen that one. 🙂

    My deployed kids like Dunham, but hate Achmed. My guess is that having lost real live best friends to terrorist bombs makes his jokes way not funny.

    But for me, who just worries about losing the fruit of my womb to terrorist bombs and grieves for their grief (but didn’t know the victims personally), it’s a great release. So I sent it to Dearest and Mama Buzz, but not to the uniformed members of the clan.

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  3. chrissythehyphenated

    OH and Pete … Mythbusters proved the BEST skunk remover is Liquid Detergent and Baking Soda in Hot Water, followed by Hydrogen Peroxide. Repeat as needed. It really, really gets the stink out.

    I use this all the time for our plastic compost buckets that get saturated with onion and broccoli and such. I used to use glass which doesn’t get stinky, but after smashing it while emptying on a wet day, I bought a pile of Tupperware type bowls with snap lids.

    When they fill up, I can contain the stink and start on another one right away. It’s a lot nicer being able to tote a bunch out to the compost on a NICE day than having to dump it just because it’s full.

    The down side is … plastic gets really, really smelly. But this skunk remedy is fantastic. It really, really works. I put a drop of liquid dish detergent and a tablespoon of baking soda in the bowl, fill with hot water, swish and let it sit. Dump, rinse and spritz with hydrogen peroxide, then air dry. Once in a great while a bowl will need a second treatment, but mostly, one time does it.

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    • That’s good to know, Chrissy. I also use plastic compost buckets, not to mention plastic litter boxes for my cats, which present a similar problem. I’ve been using Pinesol on them, but next time I’m going to try your method, because it would be a lot cheaper than Pinesol, and if it works just as well, I can save some money.

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      • chrissythehyphenated

        I think it may work better. It doesn’t cover up the smell. It kills it dead.

        BTW, misting the air with hydrogen peroxide is also THE best remedy I know of for eliminating cooking odors and the smokey stench of cooking errors.

        You need to be cautious about using it as an air freshener around upholstery or carpets, because it is a mild bleach. But for the kitchen and bath, it can’t be beat.

        I use it to sterilize the wooden cutting board and pet equipment and to kill mold in the shower. It’s H202. The extra oxygen molecule is what does the bleaching and germ killing, leaving just plain water behind, with no residue to harm me, my tropical fish or my poodles.

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  4. Pistol Pete

    Sounds like a good method to get the smell out.Unfortunately,I can’t see me crawling under the car to wash the undercarriage.We did have a dog on our farm once who got on the fighting side of a critter,Grandma gave him a bath in tomato juice,which we had plenty of,and that seemed to work.
    We spread most of our manure on the farm,but granddad kept a pile behind the chicken coop for grandma’s flowerbeds.When everybody came over for Sunday dinner in the winter my cousin and I would look for holes in the manure pile.Snakes would burrow into it,since it absorbed and retain a lot of heat from the sun.My mom and aunt would go nuts when we came to the back door with handfuls of garter and corn snakes to scare our sisters with.When you live on a farm,fun is where you find it.

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    • chrissythehyphenated

      Hee hee. In college, I shared a two room apartment with another student and her dumber-than-Democrats Irish Setter. Sometimes, we’d take him to the nearby nature preserve for a really good run, until he got into it with a skunk not once, but TWICE.

      The best method at the time was the tomato juice, but first we had to get some and take it and him to a neighbor’s house with a hose. Have you ever ridden with fresh skunk spray INSIDE a car … a subcompact at that? It doesn’t even smell like skunk. It’s incredibly worse. I found myself speeding again and again, just pressing that pedal to the metal trying to get AWAY from the stink that was inches from my poor nose.

      Tomato juice helped, but not enough to make that dog any kind of 2-room apartment companion. He was spoiled rotten and used to taking his half out of the middle of my roomie’s bed. You should’ve seen the sulking about being locked out of the bedroom so we could maybe get some sleep. It boggles the mind that after all that, the MORON went after a skunk A SECOND TIME, thus ending his trips to the nature preserve. I was totally UNsurprised to see on a study of dog breed IQs that Irish Setters were at the very bottom. DUMB DUMB dog.

      Anyway … that experience made me very interested in the Mythbusters’ episode about skunk. They used tomato juice, a commercial skunk destinker and the method I described above, which proved to be far and away the most effective. Wish I’d known about it back in college!!!

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  5. chrissythehyphenated

    ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLMAOPMP … I can’t sit with comfort and joy. ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

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