Today’s spelling and math lessons

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, ‘If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.’ White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

5 Comments

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5 responses to “Today’s spelling and math lessons

  1. I was never afraid of a teacher with a ruler; it was the Nuns that put the fear of God into our hearts when they were holding a ruler.

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    • What A Hoot

      Yeah, with that rythmatic motion of the ruler flip-snapping against her palm.

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      • They went through a lot of rulers, didn’t they? My fourth grade teacher once managed to break two rulers in one day in the course of meting out punishment to unruly pupils.

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        • What A Hoot

          Well, I had one nun make it look like she was going to smack that thing across someone’s knuckles and last second would whack the desk while planting a kiss on the troublemakers head. Ewwww….No one wanted a kiss publicly from a nun, thus behavior drastically improved!

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      • chrissythehyphenated

        The only teacher I was literally afraid of was the choir director in my public school. He had a vicious temper and would get all red and start screaming and doing crazy stuff. He busted his baton more than once slamming it down on his music stand. I really wanted to sing in the Madrigal Choir, but it only had 16 members and I was afraid to get that close to the man, so I didn’t try out. Word went round Concert Choir practice one day that he’d gotten so angry at Madrigal practice, he’s thrown a CHAIR at the group. One of the Sopranos had a LARGE dad who showed up to express his opinion about THAT.

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