Daily Archives: May 8, 2011

Happy Mother’s Day

Why Birth Order Matters

PREGNANCY

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as you have a positive pregnancy test.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as you can squeeze into them.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH

1st baby: You practice your breathing exercises religiously.

2nd baby: You don’t bother, because you found out last time that the breathing exercises didn’t help.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

BABY’S WARDROBE

1st baby: You pre-wash all your baby clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold and store them neatly.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the worst stains.

3rd baby: A few boxes of disposable diapers and half a dozen hand-me-down t-shirts will do the trick.

AT HOME

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby in rapt wonder.

2nd baby: You spend a good bit of every day checking to see that your firstborn isn’t poking, hitting, strangling, or suffocating the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

HANDLING A FUSSY BABY

1st baby: You pick the baby up the second he whimpers.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when his wails threaten to wake his older sibling.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to wind up the mechanical swing.

PACIFIER

1st baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you don’t give it back until you’ve sterilized it under boiling water.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you don’t give it back until you’ve run it under the faucet.

3rd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you pick it up, wipe it on your shirt sleeve, and pop it back in.

DIAPERS

1st baby: You change your baby’s diaper every hour whether he needs it or not.

2nd baby: You change your baby’s diaper every three or four hours, maybe.

3rd baby: You change your baby’s diaper when you see it sagging to down to his knees.

ACTIVITIES

1st baby: You take your baby to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swimming Classes, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your baby to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your baby to the grocery store, the drug store, and the dry cleaner.

BABYSITTERS

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home every half hour to make sure everything is all right.

2nd baby: When you have a sitter, you leave a number where you can be reached in an emergency.

3rd baby: You tell the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

FOREIGN OBJECTS

1st child: When your child swallows a coin, you rush him to the emergency room and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When your child swallows a coin, you wait and watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When your child swallows a coin, you say, “That’s coming out of your allowance.”

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